You’re a Narcissist, It’s Costing You Women, Here’s How to Fix It
It’s probably no secret that self-proclaimed “nice guys” aren’t as other-oriented as their behavior may seem. Most guys who are nice on the outside are really just using their “niceness” as a manipulation strategy to get what they want: the girl whose ass they’re kissing.
However, this doesn’t mean a guy needs to become a raging douche bag to avoid “niceness.” There’s nothing wrong with being a “good guy” who simply displays characteristics of an attractive guy.
For years, I struggled to unravel this seemingly paradoxical mindset. How can I be a strong, attractive man while simultaneously not compromising who I was at my core? I eventually found my answer when learning how to cold approach women…
For the first two decades of my life, I never dreamed of “approaching” a girl who didn’t seem to “like” me, and I certainly not a girl I didn’t know. Yet, let’s be honest here: the only way the majority of guys are ever going to improve the quality and quantity of their dating life is by learning to approach women.
And I was no different. To date the girls I really wanted, to become the man I was afraid to become. That meant I had to change my mindset so that approaching women was just a part of who I was. After years of approaching women myself, as well as teaching other guys to approach women, I arrived at the attitude I believe ever guys needs to adopt to maximize his dating life.
The first thing you need to realize is that by NOT approaching women, you’re being a narcissist. Be honest: the only thing stopping you from approaching attractive women is your fear of rejection. The reason you fear rejection is because you want to control other people’s opinion of you.
I’ve coached hundreds of guys personally, and I know what stops them from approaching hot women is the fear that their family, friends, bystanders, or the girl herself will “judge” them. Essentially these guys value someone else’s opinion of them over what they know they really want to do. Hence why guys turn to booze to help them get over their anxiety. All getting drunk does is help silence our inner narcissist.
It’s my job to get guys in that state without alcohol. To do that, you have to acknowledge your “nice” side, not ignore it. If you truly consider yourself a “good” guy, then you have to concede that you care about the happiness and well being of the girl you want to approach.
As such, if you know that you’re a good guy and yet you’re not approaching women, then you’re letting her down. You’re letting some other loser, who probably isn’t as good of guy as you are, approach and attract her. Because of your narcissism, you’re forcing a beautiful woman to settle for less. Proud of yourself? You shouldn’t be…
If this line of thinking doesn’t motivate you, you’re still a narcissist—it’s just that you don’t care about the wellbeing of women that much. If that’s the case, then realize this: no one gives a fuck about you. Go out to a nightclub and see if you can pick out the guys who have gotten “rejected” by women. You can’t. Want to know why? Because you don’t care about a bunch of strangers in a nightclub.
And to everyone whose opinion you value so dear, to them, you’re just a stranger in a nightclub. You’re not some celebrity who has the paparazzi trailing your every move. You’re not some big shot, where people will think you’re less cool if you get rejected. They don’t think you’re cool or uncool…THEY JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.
So why are you giving a fuck about them. In fact, you’re giving such a fuck, you big narcissist you, that you’re putting YOUR life on hold over what a STRANGER thinks about you! Even if it’s your friends—or even family—who opinion you’re trying to “preserve” just always remind yourself of that: you’re not doing something that you want to do—living your life how you want to be living it—because of what someone else MAY think of you.
I always find it hilarious ironic that most guys disregard most of what their friends and family tell them, but when it comes to girls, suddenly their “reputation” is so damn important. Guess what? That’s just a cop-out for being lazy and a coward. If you’re not approaching women, it’s because you’re afraid. Nothing else.
Now that you’ve read those words, you can’t unread them. How many more girls are you going to lose, how many more opportunities are you going to blow, and how many more times are you going to bang your head up against the wall, until you finally just put one foot in front of the other and approach that girl? Man up. Get over yourself. Get girls.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.