How Do You Know When To Dump a Chick?
Knowing when to break up or otherwise dump a girl I’ve been dating is something I struggle with. I’m guilty of hanging onto a relationship for longer than the published expiration date for a bunch of reasons…sometimes the sex is good, sometimes the companionship is good, and sometimes because I’m just coasting along.
The last line about coasting is really at the heart of the struggle. I’ve been in a couple relationships that were good, but not great…say a 7 out of 10. Honestly, it was hard for me to find anything wrong with the relationship, except for this deep knowledge in my lizard brain that something wasn’t quite right. It would take me a long time to cut the cord. Sometimes over a year. Every guy I know has been in this situation.
Before I proceed, lemme say this. Girlfriends have accused me of not putting in the effort to make a relationship work…basically, they’d say I’d bail too soon. Chicks sometimes call this being a commitment-phobe. I don’t think that’s accurate. I’ve known plenty of relationships that worked initially, and worked for a long time (several years), but eventually fell apart because of deep capability issues that surfaced. I’ve got a handful of close friends whose marriages followed that template. I’ve also had a couple of relationships where I put in a tremendous amount of work, and had nothing to show for it. So I know how it works.
What’s worse? Getting out early when you know it’s not right or hang on for 5 years then bail? For me, it’s an easy decision. You get out early when you know it’s not right. You’re doing both parties a favor when you make that decision.
I’ve been in two really awesome relationships. Those relationships exploded for whatever reason down the road, but the thing they both had in common was that the chicks inspired me. What that means is I felt inspired to be a better overall human; I was more generous, more loving, more truthful, and experienced more growth as a person while in the relationship. The conversation was always good and the sex was even better. I sought to improve myself in every way because I wanted to be the guy she admired.
So my key favor is INSPIRATION. If I’m inspired by my partner, I know I’m in the right place. The relationship is working and it’s worth it to move forward. If there is no inspiration, then the relationship is really just a fancy companionship or a partnership. Those aren’t real relationships…they’re just a way to pass the time.
If I don’t feel the inspiration, then I’ll break it off as soon as possible.
One warning, don’t confuse inspiration for lust. Lust is great, and it makes you do some cool stuff for your girl, but it’s not what you build a relationship on. Inspiration is more about becoming a better person, improving your inner game, and personal growth.
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About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com