The Number One Problem for Guys in Pickup
Today, I want to talk about what I believe is the #1 biggest problem that guys have mentally when they get into dating and pick up. The biggest problems mentally I see with guys is black and white or reductive thinking. Let me explain what I mean. For a lot of guys, especially guys a bit older, like if you’re over 35 I’m specifically talking to you. But this also happens with younger guys too.
When I was 18, 19, 20, 21 or 22 I was so black and white. The world was this way and everything was either right or wrong. I remember so many instances that I’ve had in my life where I just got into arguments or weird situations or unnecessary drama when really had I been a little less black or white, it could have all been avoided.
A way to think about reductive thinking is if you cook and reduce a sauce, boiling it down to kind of its essence that’s what you’re doing with ideas. The problem with black and white or reductive thinking, reductive reasoning is what is known as “paradoxes.”
Paradoxes are interesting because they are situations that happen in life where…especially with women and other human beings where 2 things are opposite and true at the exact same time. I’ll give you some examples.
Let’s take an example of a girl. Maybe you guys have heard before of the Madonna whore complex. The idea of wanting a girl who is sexual and wild and does all the kinky shit you’re into and really want to do. But on the other hand, you want a girl who hasn’t been with too many guys and isn’t a slut. A lot of guys want both of those things. What a lot of guys don’t realize is that both of those things can exist in the same woman. They’re not reductive things. A woman doesn’t have to be a Madonna or a whore; a woman can be a Madonna and a whore depending on circumstance.
Let’s bring this into reality a little bit. I have a friend and let’s call her Janet and she is sometimes really, really slutty and other times really, really prude. I’ve been there when she’s had sex with Z list reality TV stars in 30 minutes in bathrooms at parties and I’ve been there where she’s made guys wait 3 to 6 months to sleep with her. She’s not playing games but it’s just with certain guys she’s going to be a whore and with certain guys she’s going to be pristine and virtuous. I don’t like the idea of Madonna, it’s stupid.
So that freaks guys the fuck out. It’s like a really hard concept for most people to comprehend because it’s anti-reductive. You can’t reduce human beings down to one thing and that’s kind of where reductive thinking starts to hit the skids.
Mystery Method is another great example of reductive thinking. Mystery is great at what he does but what he does is very specific and he gets the same type of girls over and over again. But he had reduced that to saying he gets all types of women which just isn’t true. I’ve done over 30 different boot camps with him and seen at least 5-10 girls he slept with in the past on boot camps or had girlfriends and they were all pretty much the same types of girls, same type of job, same type of background, same type of broken home family structure. You could sit there and say he was getting lawyers and doctors but I never saw that. I bet if you comb through his sexual history there might be one doctor or one lawyer that happened to also be this type of co-dependent party girl.
But it’s reductive to say one type of approach will work on all types of women. That is why I have a gazillion fucking different products and methods and ways I teach because if you’re trying to get a girlfriend the way you’re going to approach…and game girls should be different than the guy who is just trying to get laid as much as possible in as quick a timeframe as possible.
So that’s the biggest problem guys have mentally when trying to learn pickup. Try to get out of thinking there’s ONE way that works, or ONE type of girl for you…open your mind up to accepting there are several paths to having a great woman.
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About john sinn Sinn is widely regarded as the second best PUA in the world. Sinn is known for his hard nosed style and take no excuses approach to teaching. He is a nondenominational teacher, which means that he subscribes to no particular method and instead blends the best of every school of seduction to create the best possible results for himself and his students. Sinn is currently running his own pick up company The Sinns Of Attraction, which offers live, phone and email training.