How Do You Know If You Should Keep Your Long Term Relationship?
I’ve talked in the past about social compatibility and how it’s important for determining if a girl is girlfriend-worthy. I’ve also talked about the key factor to relationships being inspiration, as in you want to be inspiring each other.
What I’ve noticed recently is that it’s really important for me to take care of someone or something, and that taking care of something is really part of being a man. At first that was a cat, so I got a cat, and I really like having a cat and having something to take care of. I got a dog also and the feeling is same. I’m sure you dog owners know taking care of a dog is almost like taking care of a person. Obviously, if you have a family, you put your family’s needs above all else.
In my relationships, I’ve noticed it’s really important that I’m compelled to take care of my partner. That doesn’t mean feed her and keep her alive, although I can and would do those things, but it means look after her emotional and mental well being, encourage her physical well being, and contribute to her personal development. This is a high-minded concept and I’m still learning how to do all those things, but what’s important is I need to be inspired enough by my partner to want to help her grow as a person. If that inspiration is there, then the relationship is worth moving into LTR territory.
I’ve dated tons of girls and been in a lot of relationships, almost all of them I didn’t contribute to her personal growth. I cared on an intellectual level, but I didn’t feel it enough to change what I was doing. I was selfish, sure, but part of it was that I wasn’t inspired enough by what we had to put myself out there. Maybe she was selfish also, or a little bit crazy, or didn’t know how to inspire me. Whatever the reasons, it’s a tough place to get to.
The turning point for me was when I had this girlfriend who disliked cooking and rarely ate dinner. I ended up cooking for both of us most nights, and I realized I really liked it. It was good for her and good for my psyche. I’m a big fitness nut, so I got her into working out and I helped inspire her to join a gym. It was at that point I realized she was growing as a person and I was contributing to that. She inspired me to tone down the partying on the weekends and encouraged me to compete more in sports. I liked that and it was important for our relationship. She was a keeper.
So the bottom line is, if you’ve got a relationship where you’re inspired by her and you’re actively engaged in helping each other grow, that’s an LTR worth keeping.
About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com