The Worst-Ever Haircuts for Men
Haircuts can be contentious- opinions are divided on styles such as emo cuts, comb-overs and quiffs. But these shockers, I think we can all agree, should never adorn any man’s head. No matter how attractive you are, you can’t make these horrifying styles look good.
Despite the protests of dreadlock owners that they’re really clean, dreadlocks look dirty. The matted locks form when you don’t brush or cut your hair. This would imply that you’re not into personal hygiene. You may think you look so cool and alternative, but everyone who catches sight of your ‘do is actually wondering how long it has been since your last shower. Also, if you’re not from an ethnic group with a cultural attachment to dreadlocks, you shouldn’t have them. You don’t want to look both tragic and incidentally racist.
Is it ever a good idea to shave the sides of your head and gel up the centre like a fan? No. It reeks of passé punk culture, and also makes you look like you belong in a dinosaur cartoon. You may think it looks cool now, but in a few years’ time you will be burning all photographic evidence of you once having this monstrosity on your head.
A fauxhawk –a style where you gel your hair up on the top to create a look vaguely resembling a mohawk- is the fashionably acceptable variant. If David Beckham did it, it can’t be wrong. At least the fauxhawk is a transient style, rather than being physically cut into your hair until it grows out.
Are you a famous country singer? If so, please send me your autograph and continue wearing your mullet with pride. Otherwise, you have no excuse to have a mullet hairstyle. It is not “business in the front and party in the back”. It could more accurately be called ugly in the front and ugly in the back.
What do you get when you cross a bowl cut with a middle parting? A butt cut. Why is it called that? Because it makes your head look like an ass. You’re forgiven if you had this style as a child, but if your age is in the double digits, it’s time to move on. It has been spotted on a handful of male celebrities, but don’t be fooled. The butt cut even managed to make Brad Pitt look repulsive.
Some guys have luscious long hair, and make it work for them. You don’t need to have a close crop to be masculine. But, if you are going the way of long locks, you better have an incredible head of hair. Limp, dirty, straggly hair is one of the most unappealing looks on a guy.
Deceptively bad hair comes with the rat’s tail. Any kind of hair cut can be turned instantly repulsive by the addition of a tail on the back. Also known as a “ratty”, possibly because men with rat’s tails are invariably ratty.
About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/