Top Five Movies of Juliette Lewis
I think it’s kind of interesting that the week a woman tried to create the most reprehensible dating profile ever is the week I chose to look at the movies of Juliette Lewis. Let me explain. Wait, that would take to long. Let me sum up.
I have two visions of Juliette and they have to do with her top two movies on this list. I think of those movies and I imagine her profile would look something like this:
About me: I am attracted to bad boys. I’m not talking drug dealers, embezzlers or kidnappers. I’m talking mass murderers. I’m talking men who are stalking my family to kill them. Hee, hee, j/k. (No I’m not. We’ll talk about that when we meet. When I suck your finger. Shh.)
What I’m doing: Four consecutive life sentences.
What I’m good at doing: Mass destruction.
The first thing people notice: Blood spatters all over my clothing.
What I can’t do without: My 9mm Glock, my AK-47, my autographed Paul Hogan knife, my torture kit including metal cheese grater, my teddy bear “Cuddles.”
Now, I would think that this profile would not make it past the approval system at OK Cupid. I could be wrong. However, if it did, and I saw a picture of Juliette, would I contact her and try to pretend that I am into arson more than just lighting a cigarette?
I’d hope I wouldn’t. I’d hope I’d be happy to just watch these five movies starring Juliette and pretend that I don’t find her attractive in them. I may have to try that this weekend. Give me strength.
This is the third time I’ve listed this movie on one of my actress profiles. (The other times were with Ari Graynor and Ellen Page.) I’m really beginning to wonder if I do have a bad girl fetish and would totally go after the profile above. At least roller derby girls can have hearts of gold.
Uh, did I say just two movies? Juliette plays a girlfriend of serial killer Brad Pitt in this thriller. David Duchovny (“The X-Files”) and Michelle Forbes (“The Killing”) star as the couple that pick up these two.
Another bad boy is the center of this movie as Leonardo DiCaprio plays a young basketball player that chooses cocaine and heroin over hoops. Because it is still on my list to watch, I’m not sure if Juliette falls for him or not. If I were a betting man, I’d bet yes.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this film by Martin Scorsese. I know it had suspense. I know “The Simpsons” did a wonderful parody with Sideshow Bob, maybe my favorite episode of that show. I also know that Juliette sucked on Robert DeNiro’s finger and that bit of foreplay still creeps me out a little.
So many images of this movie come to mind. I think the biggest though was seeing Woody Harrelson dramatically escape his role on “Cheers” as Woody. Since then, he’s been in some great movies like “After the Sunset,” “No Country for Old Men” and “Zombieland.” Now he stars in “True Detective” with Matthew McConaughey and I really want to get HBO for that reason.
Agree? Disagree? Which movies would make your Juliette Lewis top five?
About Jason McClain Jason is an aspiring novelist, which means there is a lot of time to put off writing and watch baseball or go fly-fishing, hiking and traveling. By "a lot of time", Jason means "procrastination."