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When She Wants to Take a “Break”

What does it even mean when she says she wants to take some time away from you? The nebulous idea of “going on a break” is a cliché she has probably gleaned from her friends and magazine articles. It can mean completely different things to different people, but in most cases, it indicates the beginning of the end.

It’s probably a break-up

takeabreak1In the vast majority of cases, going on a break means that she wants to break up with you in a couple of weeks, but does not yet have the courage to do it. She wants to be rid of you, but is attached and wants to keep that connection with you just in case she changes her mind. If you think this is the case, you’re probably best off at anticipating her decision, and giving her the choice of breaking up immediately, or working through the problems together. There is no point being in-between.

It could be her attempt at giving you a wake-up call, if there is some aspect of your relationship that she is unhappy with. If there is something she has been asking you to change, and you won’t budge, she is probably hoping that some time apart will weaken your resolve. It is up to you if this is a reasonable request or not.

She wants to try out another guy

If her suggestion to take a break seems to have come out of nowhere, and you think that there is nothing wrong with the relationship, it is quite likely that she has suggested it because she has another man on the go. Seeing him while she’s still meant to be with you crosses a line, so she’s decided the best solution is to move the line. Then, she can date him with a clear conscience. If he turns out to be better than you, she can dump you for real; otherwise, she can return to you and you will never find out the other guy existed.

Set your terms

I would not advise going on a break. Relationships do not come with a pause button. Particularly if you have not been a couple for long, there are not many benefits to taking a break from your relationship. It is much healthier to sort out your issues as they come up, rather than spend some time apart until you forget what the issues were. However, if you do decide to go on a break, you need to set out the terms of the break very clearly. In particular, decide if you are allowed to date other people for the duration of the break. Set out a clear timeline of when you expect the break to be over. It would be unreasonable to stick to this rigidly, but you can’t keep your love life on hold forever. Breaks from a relationship can sometimes be a good thing if, as a couple, you are very clear about the boundaries of your time apart and the goal of going on the break. However, most of the time, it is just a code word for breaking up at a later date.

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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/

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