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When She Says You Are Immature

Your girlfriend seems to have a problem with your inner man-child. You may think that she is criticizing your personality, but it is more likely that she has a problem with the way you act towards her.

She means you are selfish

immature2There are some immature behaviors that are not reasonably considered deal breakers, even if they can be frustrating. Laughing at stupid jokes or watching TV shows aimed below your age group may be immature, but they are not serious problems. She can always remove herself from the room when you decide that the time is right to watch re-runs of Jackass. When she has a talk with you and tells you that you are immature and that that is a problem, she is referring to the more selfish aspects of your behavior. Spending every weekend playing video games may be immature, but it is unlikely to be the video games she has a problem with. It is her way of saying she wants you to put in more time and effort into your relationship, instead of your high scores.

Be specific

There is no point in her telling you that you are immature, if she is not specific about what she means. Usually, it will be obvious- if you ignored her phone calls all day, you can be sure that her calling you immature when you finally answer is directly related to your behavior that day. In situations where you have no idea what you have done wrong, you need to find out if you actually have done anything wrong. If she does not tell you and you cannot think of it on your own, you have to ask. If she cannot explain what she means, or gives you a non-explanation such as “you are just generally immature”, there is nothing you can do about the situation. Turn it back around on her, and say she is immature to think you can fix an undefined problem. But here is where things get more complicated: if she cannot explain why she thinks you are immature, it is possible that she is setting the stage for breaking up with you. Do not be surprised if she soon changes what she is saying from “you’re so immature” to “you are too immature to be with me”.

What to do if she is right

If you suspect she is right about you being immature, you should try to figure out what she has a problem with, without asking her to spell it all out for you. Asking her endless questions about what constitutes immature behavior will add to her impression of you being immature, and it may cause you to get defensive. Taking some time to reflect on the issue and come up with compromises will show her that you are willing to tackle the problem like an adult. Of course, do not promise to temper your immaturity if you are not going to follow through; this will not help your case.

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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/

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