5 Rules to the Social Cold Approach
The reason being that the cold approach is where we break societal conventions and most of us step out of our personal comfort zones. So to help, here are 5 principals to live by for cold approaching girls during your night time activities.
Up here in the Great White North (a.k.a. Canada), we love hockey, and Wayne Gretzky, who is like the Michael Jordan of hockey, has this famous quote,
By now, you should know that being the guy sitting in the corner, pretending to text on your phone, will not get you laid.
It’s fine to know in theory, but legitimately try to start catching yourself at your moments of hesitation, and then remember what Gretzky said.
There’s this weird misconception created by the media that you have to have some slick pick-up line or do some kind of crazy, elaborate, Barney Stinson mind-scramble play in order to meet women.
That’s all bullshit. Don’t spend more than 15 seconds thinking about what you’re going to say when you go up to a girl.
Here’s why. Approaching is already stressful enough and the more you think about it, the more stressed you’re going to become and that’s going to increase your chances of freezing up.
Have you ever had to pitch an idea or give a speech or presentation that you rehearsed a lot before hand? What happens the second you forget what you were going to say next?
Your heart races, you scramble and you freeze up.
So instead of some rehearsed nonsense, say something off the cuff and stay in the moment.
If you really need some jumping off points;
Funny observations about your surroundings, bringing the girl into your conversation and somehow acknowledging her existence while making a small jab at her ego, are all pretty malleable, genuine-feeling openers.
You hear about “Inner Game” all the time, and the truth is, it might be the most valuable weapon in your arsenal, because your true inner confidence will completely dictate the outcome of the night.
Women can smell desperation on you like bad cologne and if you approach them with a desperate mindset, 99% of the time, you’re screwed from the jump.
Vice versa, women know who the confident, fun guys are, because they (duh) look like they’re having a fun time and are in control of their environment.
So always have fun and enjoy yourself first and foremost. Once you know you’re having an awesome night, then start opening up some conversations.
Also, do not get too drunk.
A few shots for confidence are totally acceptable; we all need a little social lubricant from time to time. Most of us know that magical spot after a few drinks where we feel legitimately witty and funny.
The big, hairy BUT here, though, is that if you drink too much, you’re going to get sloppy after that initial witty phase wears off. Your mind starts moving slow, and you can become an emotional, word-slurring, creeper.
Wake up with a new friend instead of a hangover.
Girls know when you’re hitting on them, and for the most part, single girls at bars really are hoping for a cool, charming and genuine guy to take an interest in them.
That ‘genuine’ part is really important.
Don’t try to put on some façade and immediately try to be somebody you’re not. Not only is it hard to keep putting up some bullshit front, but you’re also not going to seem like a real person, and girls will be able to tell.
Brutal honesty is the basis for all humor, and can really work in your favour.
Here’s a real life example;
So I’m 6’3’’, which isn’t hugely tall, but it’s tall. One night at a club this girl crosses my path, who is just a bit taller than me while wearing these black high heel, boot-things. This girl looks like Wonder Woman, which while sexy, was pretty intimidating, so right as she was walking by me, I dropped,
She stopped in her tracks, turned in my direction, and I followed up with, “Seriously, you’re taller than me right now, and it’s freaking me out. I can’t believe I even have the balls to talk to you.”
Every word was completely true and it got a laugh.
I kept going on about how it was actually refreshing to talk to a girl who I didn’t have to lean down for. We moved the conversation on to the bonuses of height compatibility during numerically-named sex positions, I told her I was putting her number in my phone as ‘Wonder Woman’, things escalated and the night ended well.
The first thing a lot of girls are going to do when you approach them is use everything at their disposal to try and shake your confidence.
Keep calm and carry on. Do not go sulk in the corner and above all, do not ever get mad.
Not only will it immediately kill your chances with that girl, but it’s going to ruin your game for the entire night.
Some girls will try and shit test you even when you’re not talking to them.
The good news is that these are usually incredibly fun, cool girls, and this is their way of hitting on you. It’s them negging you. It’s their opener.
About a year ago, I walked back into a bar from an outside patio where I was standing next to a fire pit. While waiting to get a new drink, this cute girl in a black dress goes, “Oh my god, were you out by the fire? You wreak like fire!”
This was now officially a do-or-die a moment. I could lie, panic, get angry, ignore her. All terrible options, because this was actually an opportunity.
I cheekily replied, “No, that’s actually just my natural musk.”
Luckily, I was wearing this red, plaid, lumberjack looking shirt, so I basically joked about being Ron Swanson, spending my days in the woods, carving canoes, while eating only bacon and drinking only whiskey.
The girl who, one minute before, had accused me of ‘wreaking’ started buying me whiskey shots and then took me back to her place.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.