Getting and Keeping Her Attention

You’re never going to get anywhere with a girl unless you can get her attention to begin with, and then keeping it is obviously going to be crucial. It’s safe to assume that women are going to a variety of suitors at any given time (or even just in the bar you’re standing in), so while battling it out might not be in the cards, being interesting or unique probably should be. Here are some ways of getting her attention and keeping it.

Be Yourself When You Talk to Her

If you were expecting something like “come up with the most creative pickup line”, think again. Lines are often pretty unnatural, forced, and can be super annoying. If it’s actually funny or relevant that’s one thing. But if you’re trying to force a line to land that just isn’t, it just puts her in an uncomfortable position of trying to figure out how to get away. You don’t want the girl to feel sorry for you either, so don’t think purposefully flopping with your pick up lines in endearing. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part just introducing yourself and maybe giving her an honest compliment is going to get you a lot further.

Mind Your Body Language

A?lot of talking to women is getting completely shot down, but any bad experiences shouldn’t affect your next ones before they have even started. Approaching a woman in an apologetic or unsure manner is just not sexy. If you lead with the fact that you’re expecting to get denied, you’re probably going to get denied. Keep your shoulders back, face her square on, and make eye contact.

Avoid Lulls in the Conversation

We’re not all masters at public speaking, but if you’re trying to keep a girl interested in you it’s preferable to keep the conversation going. Follow up with a question about what she just said if you’re at a loss. This of course, requires that you actually pay attention to what she’s saying to begin with. Girls love genuine interest. Try not to fill lulls with general complaints or insults in a weird effort to connect. Sounds obvious, but you would be surprised.

Don’t Be Too Available

When you’re hitting on a girl, make eye contact and be interested, but still keep you body language confidently independent. Anyway you can give off the vibe that you’re into a girl but not desperate for one is going to be a better lead in. Girls like a little to participate in a little chase as well whether they admit it or not. Confidence is key.

You don’t come off as confident if you?have a critique for how the girl is responding to you. If you feel the need to point out that she keeps looking away, seems, bored, or seems uninterested in you, that’s probably what’s happening and why on earth would you mention it? Just keep it moving. If there’s a chance that it’s going to happen at that point you’re better off pulling back and letting her find her way back to you.

Be Obvious Enough

If you meet a girl in a crowded bar for example, and the conversation is going well, maybe ask her to head outside with you or to sit down. It will be obvious that you’re interested. If you just talk to her the way that you talk to everyone else at the bar however, she might not get the hint. Just because you think she’s hot doesn’t mean that she knows that you do. She might think you’re secretly into her best friend. Who knows. Conversations are flying all over the place in public settings, do someone to set this one apart.

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Never Run Out of Things to Say to Women Again

  • Conversation Games That Create Attraction
  • The Secret to Making “Small Talk” Sexier
  • How to Make Her Laugh (and make her want you)
  • 3 Tricks to Avoid Awkward Silences
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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.

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