How To Sleep With Your (Female) Friends
Call it what you will. Friends with benefits, a casual hook-up, fuck buddies; it’s all the same.
Sometimes you just have that female friend, who you only want to keep as a friend, but who you just have dripping amounts of sexual tension with.
So if you’re fantasizing about a no-strings-attached situation with that female friend of yours, here’s how to make it happen.
You might already have somebody in mind, but it’s worth noting that not every buddy makes a good fuck buddy.
Your best bet is to go after that one girl that you’re really good friends with and that neither of you could imagine dating each other for real, and yet there’s always been that underlying sexual tension.
Now, this also isn’t necessarily something that a lot of people can handle psychologically, especially if they’re not sexually experienced. So don’t go for somebody who maybe has only been in a serious relationship or two.
This will cut down on the risk of a girl developing feelings for you, simply based on your sexual encounter.
Most people with fewer sexual partners probably don’t see sex as casual as an experience as you do. Understand that there are two kinds of people out there. People who take sex seriously, and people who are able to do it more casually.
This is a two way street, by the way. Make sure this isn’t a girl who you actually want as your girlfriend.
Which leads us to;
You have to know that if you enter into a situation like this, then the girl that you’re seeing might be going on dates, seeing other guys and basically might drop you at a moment’s notice when she gets an actual boyfriend.
You made the choice to just have a casual thing with this girl, you didn’t try and be her boyfriend, and so you’ve got to steal yourself for that very possible eventuality.
The only time it’s acceptable to get feelings for your friend-with-benefits is if she has them back. In which case, that’s something else entirely.
What we’re focusing on here is how to have a no-strings-attached situation, so don’t go trying rope her back in when she wants out.
On to the meat and potatoes of how you actually start sleeping with your friends.
As mentioned earlier, you should pick a friend whom you’ve always had some sexual tension with, except now you just want to push it to the limit.
Start joking and teasing about what it would be like to finally sleep together after all this time.
Bringing up “after all this time” will actually work in your favour, because you could very well be bringing years of sexual tension to the forefront. All of the sudden, it feels like it’s been a lifetime of anticipation for her.
Have a laugh about all the things you two could have ticked off your sexual bucket list (or “fuck-it list” as I like to call it) if you had been in a relationship together all this time.
If you two bicker (and you should), joke about how you’d probably break up all the time, but have fantastic make up sex.
And then actually joke about having a friends-with-benefits situation, but you know, actually mean it.
The idea is to just push that sexual tension as far as you possibly can, and then actually pull the trigger and suggest the idea.
Once you’ve gotten a girl to agree to this kind of situation, you don’t want to give the wrong impression and try to set up something resembling a date before going home to do the deed.
This isn’t to be chauvinistic. It’s to not creep the girl out or give her the wrong idea.
You’ll want to basically booty call her. Send her a random text message that gets to the point. Something to effect of;
works just fine. Let her know she can booty call you as well. You’d be surprised how many times she’ll reach for her phone before her vibrator if she knows that you’re game.
Now if the straight up booty call feels just too cold for you, then do something together that you used to do as friends before hand.
Coffee, window shopping, going out for casual drinks.
At most, head to a bar and party together. But anything more than that might be too intimate and lead you into weird, gross, emotional territory, fast.
You should always use protection unless you’re trying to make a little version of you.
But you should really use protection in this case. The harsh reality? You both might be with somebody else in between being with each other again. You’re not monogamous. That’s what “no-strings-attached” means. Extra diligence is required.
Remember, you entered into this knowing that you couldn’t get feelings. So when one of you ends it, and you will, you’ve got to keep a good head on your shoulders.
You can’t be jealous. You have no right to be. But, as a bonus, you also won’t need to feel guilty either, should it be you who moves on first.
These kinds of situations are a double-edged sword that way.
Now, it’s not to say that you can’t care for your friend. And actually it’s kind of insane to think you could feel nothing for a girl you’ve considered your friend for so long.
But it’s not a good idea to develop romantic feelings, because that’s evolving the nature of your relationship.
There’s been many a time, that I’ve looked over at female friend I’ve slept with, immediately afterwards, and just thought, “I would totally hurt somebody who hurt you.”
But that’s just not that same as, “I’m in love with you.”
You still want to be friends with this person when it’s all said and done, and carry on more or less like nothing ever happened.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.