What You Do (and Don’t) Need to Reveal to Her About Your Past
No one is perfect, but there’s a fine line to walk when dating someone new between revealing everything too quickly and straight out covering up your past. There is a middle ground however because it’s only responsible to share some parts of your history while other parts are better left in the past.
Listen, you just don’t need to be honest about the amount of people that you’ve slept with unless that’s somehow an important factor to you. Out right lying isn’t generally encouraged in relationships but mentioning that you’ve had 275 flings might give her the wrong idea. You might be better off saying something like “There’s been some girls but only a few that were serious”, or something along those lines.
If your number is quite low, you probably don’t need to mention that either. Just shrug it off and say it’s not important to you. And by all means do not ask her to reveal hers. The numbers thing should just pretty much be be thrown out altogether.
This is a complicated one, and whether to reveal it or not sort of depends on a case by case basis. If you cheated on your high school girlfriend by kissing her best friend at a keg party, probably not pertinent information to adult women. But if your last serious relationship ended because you got caught having an affair with your secretary, yeah, you should probably take responsibility for that one.
If you don’t discuss it with someone new it’s going to eat at you and she’ll probably find out anyway and then it will be a way worse situation. Try taking the angle where you explain why it happened, what you learned from it, and why you’re certain that it will never happen again. (But ahem mean that.)
Okay, awkward. You don’t have to tell every girl you meet that you once had an STI bacterial infection a couple years back (because you treated it and it’s gone), but you do need to tell her if you’ve been diagnosed with something longer lasting or if you have been exposed to anything. If you get the dreaded phone call that someone else you slept with might have exposed you to something, best believe you have to retrace your steps as well.
Obviously exes are going to come up at some point, but there shouldn’t be enough discussion that your current girl knows every detail and injustice about the past. It just isn’t necessary and makes the new girl feel like you haven’t moved on emotionally or sometimes that you’re just bitter in general. Neither of those are great grounds for starting up a new relationship.
It also isn’t necessary to discuss the awesome sex life you had with one your exes and all the public places where you two used to get it on. It should be obvious why another girl doesn’t want to hear about this. One, she’ll assume you’re still into the last chick. Two, pressure to fill her shoes.
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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.