Turning a Date Into a Friend, Does it Work?
So you went out on a date with this girl who was pretty awesome…but you don’t quite feel the romantic vibe with her. Your next thought is considering if a friendship with her would be possible. Here are some ways to navigate that situation without messing with her feelings or setting yourself up for trouble.
Sometimes our feelings aren’t entirely clear after one or even a couple dates. Make sure you’re not jumping the gun into settling for friendship if you actually might want her around for different reasons that you haven’t quite come to terms with yet.
As fun as it can be, asking a girl who’s super into you to be your friend isn’t going to end well. In general the only reason she would comply is to get close to you in hopes that your feelings might change about her. If she feels whatever about you though, it can work. Tread carefully.
Turning a date into a friend absolutely will not work if you can’t articulate your feelings and motives behind it. She might just think you’re still dating if you just start inviting her to hang out with you and your friends.
Be sure not to lie about your motives either. Telling a girl that you’re really not looking to date anyone exclusively or seriously right now is a terrible idea unless that is the honest to goodness truth. Because when you turn up with a different girl next week your “friendship” is going to be a little bruised.
Why bother keeping her around if there’s a large potential that she is going to get confused and bummed out about it? In the circumstance where you might consider dating her at some point in the future but you aren’t sure yet, you can tell her that and see if she’s down to work on a friendship first. But if you do that prepare to deal with her dating other people, and coming to terms with your feelings at some point so that you don’t string her along for the rest of time.
If you want this girl to be your friend, you need to treat her like a friend without sending her mixed messages. Don’t act jealous about other guys or play games with your communication style. (For example, ignoring her texts. That’s way too date-ish of a game for friendships.) You’ll notice pretty quickly if this person isn’t actually friend material based on one or both of your feelings.
This goes a couple different ways, but treating a girl friend like a girlfriend minus the sex can get just as complicated. You shouldn’t be paying her way every time you guys go out and you shouldn’t be playing house with her either. Yeah grocery shopping and watching movies on the couch can be completely platonic, but women have a way have tacking on maybes where there aren’t any. Don’t assume that since she said yes to friendship that she won’t be confused when you treat her like halfway girlfriend instead.
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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.