Hot for Teacher: How to Score with a College Professor
First off: know that as much as we want you to score, we can not do everything for you. Our goal is to get you wide open and pass you the ball, for us to draw up a play leaving you wide-open in the endzone for a perfect spiral. From there, the play-making is up to you…
We have all had those hot teachers before. Usually, we fantasize about them. Sometimes, we hear they hooked up with one of the students and raise our eyebrows thinking “that guy!?”. Rarely, “that guy” is you.
When the semester starts, stop by the teachers desk after class and just say you wanted to introduce yourself. Let her know your name, what your major is, and then ask her a couple questions like where she went to school and what she studied (besides education). If you sense some comfort on her part, then take it a step further. Use some double entendres and drop some key-words to get her thinking a little bit.
“I can imagine what it’s like the first day teaching a new class. It always seems like the teacher is on a first date or something, they aren’t sure what to wear, what to talk about, what we’ll think of them. Anyway, not to be a kiss-ass or anything close to that because as the semester goes on, you’ll see I’m anything but that, BUT if you need anything I’ve had a lot of classes with this group and I can help youo ut if you need anything.”
Why this is helpful: Even if your hot teacher did want to keep you after class, how could she ask you without making it obvious? Offering to help her out or to lend an ear is significant because it is an invitation for the teacher to ask you to stay late a couple classes if she wants to. Think of it this way: when you are going to score with someone, you don’t say “come to my place so I can score.” Instead, you say “come see my cool fishtank, or my crazy DVD collection” meanwhile, your victim knows they aren’t really going to your place to see your DVD collection. Ya dig?
If you’re looking to get with a professor, keep your mouth shut in that class. If she sees that you open your mouth and that you are loud and obnoxious and talk to everybody, she is going to be hesitant because she knows that more than likely, you will brag about your conquest underneath her libraian-esque outfits. Laugh at jokes that you think are funny and keep to yourself. The same way you’d want a younger chick to keep her mouth shut if you did something with her, you need to keep your trap closed OR at least show that you are capable of doing so.
Build some rapport with the teacher and get her to talk about more than what goes on inside the classroom. A big test or research paper coming up? Jokingly tell her “I hope you get to go out this weekend and have a good time to balance out the 500 hours you’ll spend grading those.” Then a couple days after the due date: “so did you wind up getting to go out and shake off some of the stress?”
Tip: If that move is too ballsy for you, tell the teacher that you have a funny story to tell her. Then after class, tell her that you went to [insert upscale older venue here] and thought you saw her there. So you walked up to who you thought was her and by the time you realized that it wasn’t her, it was too late and you wound up having a couple of drinks and a conversation with some stranger.
At midterms or the end of the semester, jokingly tell the professor that you owe her a drink for making it this far, but she’s not allowed to tell anybody about it because then the paparazzi will follow you around. Pay very close attention to her reaction and you will either get a playful response, an invitation to do so when the semester is over, or a laugh and a small push in the opposite direction. From there, take whichever path she opens up to you.
When you do score, keep you’re mouth shut. No matter how cool you think you are, bragging and talking about it is not a good idea. You can get that teacher in serious trouble and also ruin a legendary hook-up. So do what you can and bask in the glory and enjoy it, but be sure not to brag and make an ass out of yourself.
About Cliff Englewood Cliff goes to MSU and is TSB Magazine resident "College Life" contributor with tips and advice to get the most out of your time in college.