The 5 Flirting Style Mistakes Men Make
I read an interesting book recently called the 5 flirting styles and while I don’t want to completely co-sign the book’s advice, because I think it limits you to just dating people with your same flirting type, it did get me thinking about the 5 ways these flirting styles go wrong when they try to pick up women.
The 5 big flirting style mistakes men make:
I famously once spent an entire month trying to see how far I could push my touching until women got creeped out way back in 2005. The reason I did that was because touching did not come naturally to me. My friend Tom has the exact opposite problem. Ever since high school he’s been “too touchy” when people are being nice and “creepy” when they aren’t. Most guys looking for dating advice need to get better at touching women and be more confident about doing it. However if women often tell you to stop touching them, or push you away when you try, you need to dial it back. As a general rule, touching should be subtext which means that you don’t want to talk about it. Like the Nike slogan, famously inspired by a serial killer, Just do it.
I was totally guilty of this when I first started going out. Guys become dancing monkeys when they cross the line from being fun and playful to being free entertainment. When you approach a woman, there’s a certain amount of entertaining her and the group you have to do. The game is the game. But if you aren’t getting any positive feedback or interest from the woman you’re interested after 5-6 minutes, it’s time to move on, otherwise you risk wasting your precious pick up time with a girl who is not into you at all. Typically dancing monkeys spend way too much time talking to the whole group. Remember your goal when approaching a group is to get the girl you’re interested in, into a 1 on 1 conversation away from her friends. An easy way to do this is to say “ I need to go find my friends, keep me company.”
I’d say 98% of the 2-3 thousand students I’ve worked with over the last decade have been nice guys. The problem with being nice is that nice isn’t enough. Going out of your way for women, especially women you just met is a surefire way to end up in the dreaded friend zone. I think I am basically as nice as you can be and still get women, but that means I’m not that nice or accommodating. Especially in the beginning. Women do not magically become attracted to you because you’ve done them enough favors or spent enough money on them, or are extra polite and “gentlemanly”. Also nice guys aren’t really that nice, because they’re only being nice in expectation of getting laid later which is pretty manipulative and lame if you ask me. If a woman asks you to do something for her especially if you just met her, your first answer should always be no, even if you end up doing it, say no first.
The average dude probably gets laid more than the average pua but that’s really not saying much. If average were good enough, I’d be out of business. If you’re trying to meet and seduce really attractive women or even just not fat women you’re going to need to put your best foot forward and not just “be yourself” or be boring and think women should like you because you approached them and weren’t retarded. Attractive women have a lot of options if you’re going to be the best one you need to actively use tactics and techniques as well as self improvement to make yourself standout.
The last one is actually something I have run into a lot even with very successful men. Hell Dennis Hof who runs the World Famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada just wrote a whole book about being a brokenhearted bitter Romeo. Women can smell bitterness and they can smell who actually does and doesn’t like and respect them. There’s a well-known old school PUA who worked bootcamps for years who couldn’t get laid to save his life because women could tell he hated them. As I said earlier the game is the game. You can sit here and bitch about how it’s not fair and just being born an attractive women gets you this that or the other in the dating game. But it doesn’t matter. This is the way it works and if you’re going to succeed you can’t be bitter.
Those are the 5 biggest flirting style mistakes guys make when it comes to approaching women. Hopefully you saw a bit of yourself in one or more of the mistakes and can now take the necessary steps to fix it!
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About john sinn Sinn is widely regarded as the second best PUA in the world. Sinn is known for his hard nosed style and take no excuses approach to teaching. He is a nondenominational teacher, which means that he subscribes to no particular method and instead blends the best of every school of seduction to create the best possible results for himself and his students. Sinn is currently running his own pick up company The Sinns Of Attraction, which offers live, phone and email training.