Things to Consider Before You Get Back With an Ex
Dating exes happens. Sometimes it’s a brief fling, sometimes it takes a couple breakups for thing to actually stick, sometimes we just need a break, and sometimes we truly regret breaking up in the first place. If you’re feeling the temptation to reignite a past flame, consider these things first.
Why the two of you broke up to begin with can tell a lot about whether getting back together is romantic or a terrible nightmare of an idea. If you broke up because someone cheated, there are some serious things to contend with there, such as rebuilding trust and communication. If you broke up because one of you moved for work and you guys were unsure about the long distance thing working, that’s a whole different story.
If you feel like getting back together out of loneliness or fear, probably not a great idea. There is a big difference between missing a person and missing having a person around. Just because one relationship ended does not mean that there isn’t another girl right around the corner, don’t give in to the fear of being alone and give up on yourself too soon.
If the breakup was over a behavioral thing, it’s crucial to honestly look at the situation and see if the behavior has changed. It doesn’t matter how hot she is, if she was broke and lapping up all your hard earned funds and she’s still broke…same story. If she’s still working with the guy that she had an affair with…dangerous territory. If however, your time apart kicked her butt into gear and she got an awesome job and is thriving financially, her relationship to your own money might not be a concern any longer.
Are you ready to do things differently? Even if she was the main issue in your relationship, you both have things to work on. If your intentions of getting back together are going to sloppily lead you right back into your old relationship then you’re not ready for it. If you are committed to being a better boyfriend and setting the right boundaries that demand her to be a better girlfriend, then you might be.
If the main longing you’re feeling is from your loins, move carefully. It’s not necessarily productive to immediately jump back in the sack with a random girl either, but with an ex it can be particularly explosive. It might be good (or at least comfortable) but it’s never without complications. Odds are that one or both of you had some feelings there and sleeping together is the perfect way to reignite them. Keep your karma clean and don’t get her hopes up about a reunion if you’re just biding time until the next girl comes along.
About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.