How to Make it as the Shy Guy
Not everyone is born as the outgoing social butterfly, but if you weren’t it doesn’t mean that your chances with the ladies are any less. It just means that you might have to take some different approaches to chatting them (and anyone else) up.
Shy people are much less likely to come off as authentic spewing pickup lines that are overused anyway, so just skip them altogether. It can be tempting to think that pickup lines take the guesswork out of the interaction and let you gloss over using your own words, but this isn’t what we want. What we’re going for is authenticity and that means saying what you mean. If you like her shirt, say you like her shirt, no that she must have dropped from heaven.
Going with this authenticity theme, owning your shyness is going to be the key that unlocks your confidence. When you stop feeling ashamed about or trying to hide elements of who you are is when people can appreciate it. If your version of shyness is having a hard time approaching people, ask your friends to make you introductions. If your version of shyness is that you blush when you talk to girls try getting to a point where you can laugh about it and they will too. You’ll probably discover that there is a whole world of women who are charmed by your bashfulness, not turned off by it.
A lot of shy people feel like group conversations are a complete nightmare because it’s doubly difficult to be heard. (Or more.) But the truth is that group conversations are like that for everyone. With the added voices come added distractions and even the most outgoing person might need to start their sentence over five times before anyone will start paying attention. Try to accept the reality of group conversations being hot messes by nature.
In general it’s safe to assume that the person you’re talking to is less concerned with any social flubs you’re making and more concerned with whether they are making any. Not that people aren’t listening to what you have to say, they just want to make sure that they’re responding in appropriate and engaging ways. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation and wished you could go back and change something about it, you are far from alone.
Part of being a good communicator is being a good listener. Listening is demonstrated both in how you respond to people and in your body language, so they are equally important. Try to get out of your own head and listen to what the other person is saying before trying to formulate your own next response. If you get tripped up and aren’t sure what to say you can always repeat back some portion of what they just said to you and inquire for a follow up of information. Body language that demonstrates that you’re listening means making eye contact (without staring them down), leaving your phone in your pocket, and ignoring the small distractions around you. Don’t fidget, and by all means don’t look down.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2009/12/23/outgoing-with-friends-shy-on-dates/
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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.