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Signs Your Stuck in a Relationship Rut

stuck in a rut

Don’t Ignore those Anxious Thoughts

Life can be challenging at times, but it should be awesome and easy at other times. Romantic relationships in particular are one thing that should be adding to your life, not dragging it down. If things have just been particularly tough lately you might be stuck in a rut. Here’s how to tell and what to do about it.

Everything is Difficult

When you’re stuck in rut it feels like everything is difficult. Not just that your girlfriend is making your life a nightmare, but every traffic filled car ride, wrong take out order delivered, and your job suddenly feels stale. This happen for two reasons, one being that when you’re in a rut your mood can lower and you tend to be more distracted so you’re making decisions that you might not have otherwise.

For another thing, being in a rut means you’re out of whatever flow you’re supposed to be living in. Take it a signal that things need to change, not that the world is conspiring against you. Sometimes even straightening up the smaller things in life can affect the bigger picture. Start by paying your parking tickets and apologize for snapping at your girlfriend and go from there.

You’re In the Same Situation Over and Over Again

Often when something isn’t going right in our life we tend to assume that the situation needs to change and if it then our whole life would transform overnight. Not necessarily so. Why do you think people who win the lottery remain depressed and blow it all in mind boggling ways? They’re still looking for answers on the outside. Sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Ever gone from one relationship to the next and while the girl was brand new there was the exact same communication issue at hand?

You have to take into account that while the landscape changes when you swap girls you’re still the same person, and it might be time to do some reflecting and figure out why. It’s much less appealing to many than placing the blame on someone else, but skirting over personal responsibility really isn’t going to get you anywhere. Keep in mind that unlike many things in our lives, relationships are choices.

You Don’t Feel Pumped For Anything

You have your better moments but overall it just feels like something is off and nothing seems to make sense anymore. You’re not excited to go to that concert with her this weekend and if you’re being honest you’re not really interested in sleeping with her either. This is a totally fine place to be in as long as you realize that this is a jumping off point to make a change, not a hole to sink into. If you’re going to invest the time into a relationship it should be with someone you actually want to be around.

Think about what is different in your life compared to when you were more happy go lucky, and where the real sources of your anxiety is coming from. Is it actually her eating habits that are annoying you or the fact that you’d rather be eating alone. As another example, is it the state of your bank account that you’re concerned about it or is there a deeper nagging that you don’t actually feel passionate about the way that you’re earning your money? 

You Worry About Everything

When nothing seems to be going smoothly it’s hard not to worry about what the next trial is that’s coming around the corner, but don’t fall into this trap. Worrying tends to make things worse because then when things don’t turn out right it creates a self fulfilling prophecy. Some people get so caught up in their worries that when things go well there’s almost as light let down as it seems to go against their current unlucky persona.

 

The worst thing is that when all of the worry in your life is coming from a single source of unhappiness. If nothing else has seemed to change besides your enthusiasm in your relationship, take a good long look at it and try to figure out why. Don’t spend too much worrying both about the terrible things that will happen if you stay with her and also the difficulty of a breakup. It’s one way or the other and it will unfold as it should.

The trick to doing away with (or reducing worry) is to first just take action on anything that you can. Don’t worry that you’re going yo be late for a meeting, leave early and do your last minute prep there. After that if you still worry just water it down by going through some “if, then” scenarios about what could possibly happen if your worry came true. Generally when you keep going through for a few steps you’ll discover that the worst outcome is something that you could deal with anyway.

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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.

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