Rules to Follow When You Get Back With an Ex
For some people the point of breakup is a never return moment, but for some of us things like timing or life complications breakup relationships that still had some potential. If you do reach a point where you want to get back together with an ex, there are some rules to follow to make sure it’s a happy and healthy choice for everyone.
It’s never a good idea to get back with an ex until you’re really clear about what worked and what didn’t work before. If you aren’t aware of how to make it better, it can just be a recipe for disaster since you might repeat the same mistakes again. But when you know what the problem was and think you might have a solution for it, that’s a different story and can pave the way back into a happy relationship.
It’s necessary that the two of you discuss the breakup to get past it, but it should not continue to be a point of discussion when the two of you are trying to move forward with the relationship. Bringing it up too much or placing the blame on her all the time is going to keep those old wounds open and won’t support the potential of where you could go now.
Depending on how long you were broken up, there were probably other people involved in one or both of your lives. The thing is what happened when you were broken up isn’t anything you can get mad about it, so you might not even want to know all of the details unless there was a serious relationship. The point is that the two of you are together now, so you don’t want to act jealous or insecure over other people who really aren’t in the picture.
If you were involved with someone else over the breakup, you need to make sure and properly cut those ties before you get into a new relationship with your ex. It’s fine that they occurred, but it needs to be clear to those women, you, and your ex that all of that is over.
Going into any relationship with too many walls up can just cause trouble because while you’re trying to protect yourself you’re really just making it difficult for someone to get close to you in good ways as well. So you definitely don’t want to be so guarded that you’re assuming the worst (which can be a self fulfilling prophecy), but you do need to stay aware since something went wrong before. If for example she cheated on you but you’re deciding to forgive her, you don’t want to assume that she’s always cheating on you, but do pay attention to the warning signs that you might have missed before. Be aware but also be fair, since choosing to forgive means giving them a real chance to try and get it right again.
About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.