How To Get Over Your Ex
Almost anyone reading this can relate to the horrible feelings that follow a bad break up. The gut wrenching, heart aching, emotional pain that can leave you feeling crippled, psychically in pain, and depressed.
There’s a cliche saying out there that says “everything heals with time.” Personally I think this saying sucks because it suggests that if you just sit around and wait, you will eventually feel better. Also, no one who just went through a bad break up wants to hear this shit.
Here’s an important thing I have learned. It’s not time alone that heals, it’s what you do with that time that dictates how quickly or not quickly you will bounce back. I repeat, it’s not time alone that heals, it’s what you do with that time. What you do with that time will help determine how long it will take you to fully get over that person.
If you are constantly sitting around, obsessing about your ex, what happened, looking at old pics of your ex, still calling or texting them, wearing their sweatshirt they left at your house, stalking them on Facebook, instagram whatever, then it’s going to be a damn long time before you feel better.
On the flip side, if you accept what is, drop them out of your life, throw away or give their shit back, delete them off social media, keep yourself focused and occupied on other things, move on and get back out there, then I guarantee you will get over it much faster.
Here are some important things that should you do right away to start getting over your ex:
1. Cut all ties with her
Do NOT call her, do NOT text her. If you’re the type of person who can’t control yourself or gets drunk and texts their ex (you know who you are) then delete her number. Unfriend them on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter etc. Trust me, if you don’t you will make yourself miserable. Seeing what she is doing will drive you nuts and make you paranoid. Also a lot of guys get in bad habits of posting stupid, needy, emotional shit on social media in the hopes their ex sees it and gets jealous, but women are smart. They know its a gimmick and you actually look needy and desperate by doing it. So delete her off everything. This isn’t a suggestion, this is mandatory.
2. Get rid of all pictures, videos, and stuff you own that she either gave you or reminds you of her
I realize this may sound a bit extreme, but the simplest things like an old picture of you two together or a shirt she gave you can easily set you off and spiral you back into anger, sadness, and depression. Also you will have down days where you will catch yourself flipping through old photos, which again, will only serve to make you miserable. Now if this is just too much to bare or your someone who likes to look back on the photos years later when you have fully moved on, I think that’s ok. BUT, here’s what I highly suggest you do. Back everything up on an external hard drive and then delete it all off your computer, phone etc. Hide that external hard drive and promise yourself you will not use it until years after you have fully moved on.
3. Change up your day to day
Other things that can easily drive you back into a depressing funk is going through a lot the same day to day routines you used to do with her. Places you used to go together often such as specific bars, restaurants, parks, movie theaters, museums, whatever. Going anywhere that reminds you of times you had together can be upsetting. Even your walk to work may remind you of her. Change it up. Go to new places you two never went before. New bars, new restaurants, new parks, take a new route to work if you have to. Change it up. Change up your lifestyle, which brings me to my next point…
4. Do something new
Chances are you now have a lot more free time and a lot emotional energy. Use it to your advantage. Are you angry and upset? Good, use that as fuel to try something new. What have you always wanted to do, but maybe she held you back or you didn’t have the time because you were always with her? Now’s the time to try it. Maybe you’re mad and want to make her jealous and regret leaving you. Good, go work on yourself. Join a gym, workout, work on improving yourself.
A big question that guys ask is “how will I know when I am fully over ex?” When you are indifferent about your ex, you are over her. When you no longer have emotional attachments to her. When you can think about her and not get emotional. When you can look back on pictures of you two together and not get upset or angry. When you can bump into her in public, maybe even with another man, and be un-phased by it, maybe even genuinely happy for her. Sure, there may always be a little bit of emotion and some flutters when you see that person or think about the times you had, especially if they were a truly great person or big part of your life, but again when you can genuinely be okay with seeing your ex out without getting caught up in your emotions, you’ve untangled yourself and gotten over them.
Another thing to note is that, unlike a cut, healing isn’t linear with time. You don’t necessarily get a little better each day. Some days will be much better or much worse then the day before.
There’s a saying I’ve heard as well that suggests getting over someone takes a “half-life,” meaning however long you dated them, it will take half that time to get over them. Example you date someone for 2 years, it will take you a year to get over them. Dated only 4 months, only 2 months to get over them. But this is not necessarily true. Again, it’s all about what you do with that time.
You sit around obsessing, then a 4 month relationship could take years to fully get over. You do something proactive and to move on and stay active, then a 2 year relationship could take a month to fully get over.
Do these things still take time? Absolutely. Is it usually easy to stay active and do other things to take your mind off it, despite the pain? Hell no. It will still be very tough. But the point is the pain will reside faster if you use the time productively. Either way your relationship is dead. Do you want it to be a long, slow, painful death or as quick as possible? You may not have had a choice in the relationship ending, but you can choose how to bounce back.
About Chris Leddy Chris is based out of New York City and has a passion for helping people overcome mental obstacles and improve their lifestyle. Most of his writing is primarily focus on improving mental health among men by helping them overcome anxieties, strengthen their mental state + beliefs, and improve their lifestyle. After ditching the rat race to travel the world alone, he returned, inspired to keep writing and working with people full time. He recently launched a selfimprovement website carefreerealities.com.