How To Play The Long Game
The hottest girls are besieged night and day by texts, messages, cat calls, and random strangers spouting lines—lines designed to get them interested, get them on a date, and get them in bed. It is unlikely that you have some magic cluster of words that will moisten the panties of any woman you step to. If you are like most of us, the effectiveness of your game is limited to ordinary girls who are just looking for a good time. It will not work on the particular girl you have in mind. She will only respond to you as she responds to every other scrub who tries to chat her up: a slight smile and a polite brush off.
Some girls are worth playing the long game, that is, exercising the patience, persistence, subtlety, and effort needed to win them over.
She is perfect. Every man knows what this means. A girl has come into your life with the beauty, brains, humor, sensuality, trustworthiness, and all around goodness that makes not thinking about her impossible. You can always hookup. But to get the girl you want to be yours—that is, your girlfriend—you might have to cultivate a different kind of relationship in order to get to the one you want.
In speaking to a number of young women over the past year, it is not at all clear to me that the friend zone is as fixed and definite as men think. To be sure, there are situations in which you will be put into the friend zone permanently. You might just end up chasing a girl who will never see you as anything more than a friend. It doesn’t follow that you should never cultivate friendship to lay the foundation for something more. It is a risk, but it is one worth taking if you really want a particular girl.
In any case, relations between men and women are going in such a way that it is becoming harder to distinguish friendship from romance. The lowering and elimination of certain barriers between the sexes throws us together in ways that are difficult to define.
The fact that men and women work together as colleagues and classmates, or that they come together in circles of friendship, doesn’t mean that sexual feelings between two individuals do not spark up in certain instances. Both feelings can be present at the same time or can come in alternate waves.
Are you interested in playing the long game? Here is how you do it.
First, be honest about your chances of taking her out straightaway. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you have a chance when you really don’t. She may know of you, that is, she may know you exist, but she will still view you as a stranger and treat you accordingly if you go for it on a whim.
If you have decided on the long game, start doing your homework. I am not suggesting you stalk her or invade her privacy. There is plenty that you can learn about her by just paying attention. Who does she hang out with? How many of her friends are guys? Is she outrageously flirtatious or more reserved? Does she tend to dress up or dress down or does she alternate between the two?
The next thing you want to do is talk to her. Forget any lines you may have in mind. Just speak to her normally. You would be amazed by how much women appreciate men who speak to them like human beings rather than mere sex objects.
Whether you are both part of the same social circle or you see each other from time to time on your own you can, by speaking to her, learn about the places she goes to and the things she likes to do. You can, again without stalking or being creepy, be there as well. Throwing out the simple hint of maybe meeting her there some time will let you know if your presence is welcome or not.
These are the kinds of actions that can lead to a friendly dinner or her making an effort to invite you out with her and a close group of friends. She will get to know you over time and see that you are a great guy. And it is this gradual closeness that has been known to result in sex and a durable relationship afterward.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.