How To Tell If She’s Faking It
All dating requires some performance. When you first meet a girl and go out, you want to appear in the best light. You will make every effort to be kind, considerate, charming, and interesting. The girl that you are with will do the same.
But some women take this too far. They attempt to be something they are not; and if you carry on in the relationship you might eventually find yourself in a terribly disappointing and even extreme situation.
The reasons for faking it vary from the pathologically benign to the pathologically dangerous. All women have concerns and hang-ups about themselves, but some are insecure in the extreme. They have always had a very low opinion of who they are and what they have to contribute to the world. They can only find value in what other people think of them and derive their entire self-worth from their association with others. These are the women who can never be alone; they must be constantly out doing things with people and they simply cannot get along (or so they’ve convinced themselves) without a man.
Such a girl will pretend to have the interests, opinions, and enjoyments that she thinks you want her to have because she is afraid you won’t like her; that you will stop seeing her if she doesn’t conform to a particular type. This is a rather harmless fault. It is one that need not be a deal-breaker. In fact, you might be just the man she needs to help give her confidence in herself and what she thinks.
The other type of woman who lies about herself is the sociopath. Unlike the psychopath, who doesn’t believe that other people have emotions, the sociopath knows that other people have emotions; she just doesn’t care. The sociopath is all about the thrill of seeing how much she can get away with. Life is a mere game to such a person. She sees other people as mere objects to be used in pursuit of her own gratification.
If you have a sociopath on your hands, you must get rid of her straightaway. You cannot help a sociopath; only a therapist can. A sociopath’s mendacity and inauthenticity are not harmless; they do not derive from weakness but from an invincible overconfidence in her ability to fool everyone. Not only will a sociopath lie about likes and dislikes, interests and opinions, future plans and inner feelings, she will lie about her background, who she knows, where she comes from, even her own name. Get away as fast as you can.
So, how can you tell if she’s faking it? Here are a few short tips.
This is one of the few times when girlfriend friends can be useful. Be subtle, but do your damnedest to find out the kind of person she is when she’s away from you. Ask them about vacations they’ve taken, things they’ve done, and her hobbies and dislikes. If things don’t add up, if she told you one thing but something her friends say contradicts it, you should confront her.
I am a bookish man. I make no secret of this, and while in the past I have not cared whether a woman likes books as much as I do I will not brook any pretension in the matter. I have dated a couple of women who have tried to come across as intellectuals when it was quite clear they were not, and that they actually had no interest in such matters. I made a point of getting into details on certain subjects they were quite proud to say they knew well. Needless to say they did not live up to the boast, and it took this unfortunate humiliation to show them they were in the wrong.
A woman who is not living sincerely cannot hold up the subterfuge indefinitely. Even the sociopath will slip up now and then, and you will at some point be there to witness it. Do not overlook contradictory statements or lies you’ve caught her in or seeing her do something that she told you she doesn’t do. If you discover or witness any of the above, it is probably only the tip of what she is not telling you about herself. Keep digging until you get to the truth of who she really is.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2012/01/24/the-4-types-of-women-you-should-avoid/
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.