How To Know You’re Ready To Settle Down In A Relationship
The woman you’ve dated for some time sits fidgeting nervously. She’s sexy, funny, kind-hearted, great in bed, and has just asked: ‘what are we?’. That’s a woman’s way of asking for a relationship, but the question is: are you ready?
If you’re the type of guy who struggles to attract high-quality women, you might wonder what this question even means. This type of guy is always ready for a relationship. He’d be the one asking her as soon it seemed like she was interested.
The type of guy who has an abundance of women around him might think twice when deciding whether to settle down. For him, single life is something to be sacrificed after careful study, rather than discarded as soon as one decent woman comes along.
So, how do you know when a woman is worth sacrificing the single lifestyle for?
In my book The Thrill Of The Chase, I explain the concept of falling in love vs. jumping in love. Both feel fantastic, but one is far healthier than the other.
Falling in love feels like an obsession. You feel addicted to these happy, goofy emotions that appear whenever she enters your thoughts. And she enters your thoughts a lot. You’d do anything to have her. It’s a helpless, emotional state of affairs. Typically, these feelings strike those who don’t have much else going on. The woman is often their only source of true joy.
Jumping in love is the opposite. It’s a logical decision to show love to a woman. It’s not featured in many Disney movies, but this is how most high-value men choose their partners.
Before you settle down with one woman, please at least be aware of the usual pattern that each path follows.
In my experience, the best women don’t want to settle down with lovesick puppies who pander to them unconditionally. She doesn’t want to be your ‘everything’. She wants a man with an exciting life and lots of romantic options. She wants to be chosen as the best of the bunch, not as the lone daffodil in a desolate field. Women are emotionally savvy and can spot the signs of romantic scarcity. The small behavioural changes in this situation are so obvious to her.
Still, let’s say you win over the one woman you’re lovesick for. There was something she really liked about you. Maybe she thinks she couldn’t do any better. She agrees to be your girlfriend. You’re thanking your lucky stars, but deep down she knows you won’t be dumping her no matter what happens.
More often than not, that woman is soon going to stop making as much effort to be sexy for you. She’s going to misbehave, be demanding, cause drama. The mainstream calls it the ‘end of the honeymoon period’ and it’s accepted as a normal thing that happens in relationships.
And you’ll probably accept it too.
After all, she’s the girl that accepted your flaws. She makes you feel like a real man most of the time. You’d rather get nagged a bit than go back to the lonely nights and endless rejections.
The thing is: the nagging usually gets worse over time. The lack of sex and not looking after herself becomes more of a problem. Ultimately, it leads to an unhappy relationship.
Now, let’s say you don’t lock in with the first OK woman that likes you.
Maybe you keep seeing her, but not exclusively. Meanwhile, you keep speaking with other women. You flirt with hotter and hotter women until it becomes normal and you’re no longer intimidated. These women inspire you to better yourself and build a life they’d want to be a part of. You improve your wealth, fashion, social circle.
Soon enough, your charisma is the same around swimsuit models as it was around your friends and average-looking women. You start to date a higher standard of woman than you could have ever previously imagined. You get so good at being single that the thought of settling down with one girl sounds ridiculous.
Then, before you know it, that one woman comes along and blows you away. You won’t know it at first. You’ll treat her like any other woman – and that’s what’ll make her attracted. Soon enough, you notice she’s smarter, funnier and more adventurous than any woman you’ve met. You two grow a stronger connection than you’ve ever felt. Also, she has the same views on the future, family, money, career etc.
Even then, you’ll still initially resist exclusivity. But eventually, it’ll feel silly to spend time with other people when you could be hanging out with her. At this point, you’ll ‘jump in love’.
This is the best way to get a relationship that’ll last. You know what you’re looking for. You know what you like, and you’ve become awesome enough for a woman like this to want to stay.
Plus, she’ll stay on her best behaviour, because she knows you could easily find another awesome woman. Suddenly, the honeymoon is never over.
Almost no-one picks a partner like this. We don’t want to be turned down, get flaked on, have our hearts broken time and again.
So, we cling to the first half-decent girl that takes a shining to us. The chances of this person being the perfect partner for you are so slim, yet we stick to them, marry them and start families, in spite of their deficiencies. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
Still, if you can hold out, learn to enjoy single life, then jump in love at the right time, you can beat the odds.
Be that top man who finds a truly perfect partner. It’ll be worth it in the long run.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger currently travelling the world living as a digital nomad. His book ‘The Thrill Of The Chase’ explains how learning to truly enjoy singledom helped him to dramatically improve his dating life.