Signs You’re A Convenient Lover

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How to avoid getting played

There are two myths about women that never die no matter how many times they are killed. The first is that they always enter relationships in search of love. The other is that they will only do hook-ups when they are drunk, desperate, or out for revenge, and that they will try to avoid the guy afterward if they uninterested in a relationship with him.

These are simply not true. Women, like men, take lovers for the sake of convenience. And just so my meaning is clear, I am not referring to co-workers or next door neighbors.

Many overworked professional women seek convenience sex. It is a way for them to satisfy their physical needs without having to put in the emotional energy necessary for a loving relationship; something that they may want one day, but are much too busy to think about at the moment.

Convenience sex is also a thing with women who have passed the rebound stage of a bad breakup but are not quite ready for another serious relationship.

Even if you are still in a mode to play the field, you should not assume that you hold all the cards. She may not be as much of a player as you, but it does not follow that you can manipulate her emotions or decide when and how the relationship ends. She may be with you because you are low maintenance, mildly amusing, and decent in bed.

Don’t overplay your hand. And don’t look like a clown in front of your friends and hers by thinking you have some kind of hold on her when you are in fact only a convenient lover.

Here are a few signs that this is true position.

You do all the work

Of course it is expected that as the man you made most of the first moves when the two of you got together. But after a few dates and nights of sex she should have taken some initiative to keep things going.

Think about it!

Are you the one who has sent every text message, made every proposal to meet, and come up with every fun thing the two of you have done together? If she has done not a single thing to see you, it is probably because she doesn’t have anything emotionally invested in the relationship. You are convenient, and she will not inconvenience herself on your behalf.

She is uninterested in your life…

A woman who really likes you and really want to be with you will want to know about your job, your future plans, and your life ambitions. A woman who is really into you will want to delve beneath the surface to figure out the kind of man you are. If she has never bothered to ask you anything other than the generic first date question “what do you do for a living” it is because she does not see the relationship—if relationship it can be called—going anywhere.

…And shares nothing about her own

Note also that a woman who is with you because it is convenient will not share anything deep or intimate about her life. You will not hear a peep about ex-boyfriends, her friends, family, or professional aspirations. She may share office gossip or talk trash about someone at work she despises, but that is about it. And doing the latter is not really a problem because you will never meet any of her co-workers.

You are always her last priority

You may think that she is playing mind-games when she turns down invitations to meet you or when she politely kicks you out of her apartment after sex, but that is not it at all. She does these things because you are her last priority. She makes time for you as opposed to you making time for her, and she only shares herself with you if she has nothing else to do.

About Christopher Reid

Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.

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