Dating After Divorce
There is little good to say about divorce. Even if it is the best thing to do, it is still the end of something important. The longer you are married, the harder it can be. I’ve been there, and I know that no matter the situation, bouncing back takes effort. But, we make our peace eventually and realize we must get on with life.
While a relationship is probably not on the agenda, companionship should be. Of course, your friends will be there for you. However, married friends serve to remind you of what you lost and single friends can’t relate unless they have been through it themselves. What you really need is a date. After all, men have needs, and solitude won’t cut it for long.
When divorced men think about dating again, it becomes a scary proposition. But why? Before marriage, you were probably a confident fella, on top of the world. You felt the thrill and excitement of a first date, but now it strikes terror in the heart. Trust me, the fears are there, and trying to hide them is simply you fooling yourself. It is okay to be scared. Those fears are going to be valuable tools that help you get back in the game.
Whether you were married for many years, or just a few, divorce can fracture your confidence. We don’t have to get into the specifics of why the marriage ended or where the fault lies. Yes, “once upon a time” a woman found you to be the perfect man. Somewhere along the way, that changed. Now you are facing the realization that you are not the perfect man. It is time to set all that aside and stop letting it skew your thinking.
Carrying the baggage of who you once were, or aren’t now, only serves to keep your confidence down. Look, you were perfect for one woman. Is it so hard to believe that other women still want you? There are nearly 7.5 billion people in the world after all, and a large percentage are women. Not to mention, marriage forces growth in men, often without us realizing it. Most of us don’t come out of a marriage without new understandings about women, and ourselves.
Just be real with yourself. You have value and other women will recognize that.
When you understand that you are worth dating, you can let the world know. Choose a couple of dating sites, I recommend Tinder as one to start with. Here are a few tips for setting up your profile.
As you build profiles and start looking around, your confidence will strengthen. As you check out the ladies on the site(s), determine what changes have occurred in your standards; they have probably changed a bit. But, do not let similarities with your ex, whether physical or personal, color your judgment. Remember, just because a banana and a lemon are the same color, doesn’t mean they are the same fruit.
You are going to start talking to women and asking them out. This should excite the hell out of you, especially when you get one or two yeses. However, you need to exercise some patience and caution. Let me explain.
After getting a divorce, many men come away feeling as if they got out of prison. Maybe your ex was a shrew or there was little to no sex any longer. It can be easy to build the confidence to get out there, then act like a kid in a candy store. This means you need to have patience and not move too quickly in the initial conversation. You can easily move the conversation to meeting and/or sex too quickly if you aren’t careful.
Once you have reached the point to meet, use caution with your head and emotions. You are going to be vulnerable with the first couple of women you go out with. Divorce leaves our emotions a bit raw, and the soothing balm of a new opportunity can seem amazing. This is compounded if you have sex as well.
The irony of the situation is that the hurt from the divorce, once soothed, can lead you to feel like you did with your ex. This new woman is vibrant and exciting, and probably nothing like your ex. Your fragile emotions want to run away with you. Keep your head and wits about you, and focus on enjoying the moment, not dreaming about a new future.
If you keep your head straight on your shoulders, you will have some fun. Make sure to broaden your horizons and get out and about. Dating sites aren’t the only place to find women. Keep building your confidence by talking to women. This can be a challenge from a cold start at this point. However, if you keep it casual, you can ease back into cold meetings in public. Keep some sexy thoughts in the back of your mind though. This will help you intensify the conversation if the opportunity presents itself.
On a final note, you need to remind yourself of one thing: women are not the enemy. It is easy for us to bear some ill will and “punish” other women as we bounce back. Believe me, you can do it without even realizing it. If you want to move back into dating successfully, put the ex out of your head. Make a box in your head, drop her in it, and lock it up. Focus on that new prospect and have some fun. You deserve it.
About robertbrasher A creative writer for many years, with experiences in many areas. People fascinate me, and stoke my desire to educate the masses on the madness we can and do create in this world. Through writing, we pass knowledge; through understanding, we pass tradition.