5 Ways Men Overcomplicate Game
Like any art form, the true beauty and power of a project lies underneath complexity, and is revealed by stripping away the excess.
In seduction it’s the art of Spezzatura, or simplicity.
Rather than trying to “add” to your identity by learning 97 new techniques and tactics, focus on minimizing mistakes, and simplifying your game.
Find your strengths, and build on them.
Discover your weaknesses, and minimize them.
There was a girl I used to like. She worked in a cafe. Every day I’d go in there for coffee and chat her up. I’d practice my teasing, push-pull, DHV stories, negs, and every other game concept I’d learnt.
One day she asked “Why do you act so weird around me? Why don’t you just be real?”
So I stopped gaming her, and never did ask her out.
Then one night at a bar, she arrived with some of her friends and sat next to me. Since I didn’t over-game her, she eventually reached out and pinched my cheek. Later on as we left the bar, I kissed her, and took her home for amazing, sweaty, sex. It was simple. I just accepted that she liked me, and rather than trying to “create attraction,” I assumed it.
Trying to hard to be witty is over-gaming. So many guys don’t realize they’re attractive. They spend too much energy trying to game a girl that they won’t consider she might just find them attractive—the way they are. Sounds gay and self-helpy, but it’s true.
It’s like that scene from Swingers: “You’re so money, and you don’t even know it.”
On my training programs I always hear the same thing: “I just don’t know what to say!”
When I first got into pickup I mostly followed Mystery Method. It had long ass scripts that I tried to memorize but always forgot as soon as I approached someone. And even if I did remember the story about how my friend’s ex girlfriend burned all her boyfriends pictures, the girls would get bored an ignore me.
After a few years I realized it wasn’t that my scripted routines were boring, it was that I lacked fundamentals.
When you approach a girl and feel happy, calm and collected, look her straight in the eyes, own your space, and speak in a calm, even, easy to hear tone, “what to say,” becomes almost a non-issue. The girl senses that you have confidence, and charisma, and will be much more willing to engage you in flirtation if you don’t come across as a weird, anxious, goofy wreck.
I’m always amazed when men pay me thousands of dollars to learn pickup, then show up to bootcamp looking like homeless bums.
Some are wearing jogging pants and gym shoes, dirty T-Shirts, and cheap jeans three sizes too large for them. Their nails are untrimmed, they have neckbeards, unibrows, and long dark nose hairs jutting out of their nostrils.
I walk them to the drug store, make them buy a grooming kit, go to the bathroom and clean themselves up. Then we go to Zara and drop $150 on new pants, a shirt and shoes.
The transformation is miraculous. These guys go up a notch in appearance, just by changing their look.
This also affects their inner-game. They start to walk differently, talk differently, feel differently about themselves. And because of this change in how they perceive themselves, the women notice, and react far more positively to their approaches and flirtations.
Clients always message me: “This one girl is so amazing. What do I text her? How come she isn’t texting me back? What should I say? How do I get her?”
I feel like slapping them.
The only thing that differentiates a pro pickup artist from a newbie, is the pro is able to deal with 100X more rejection than him.
Never get overly excited about one girl, because you’re not hypnotist, you’re a salesman.
A salesman relies not only on his skill at closing, but at attracting leads. They rely on wide and vast sales funnels, then filter out the cheapskates and time wasters.
Newbies will go on on a Saturday, do three approaches, get a phone number then spend all week trying to get her to meet them.
The pro will go out five times a week, get two dozen leads, and then get two dozen the next week. (That or they’ll just try to close on the spot).
If one girl isn’t replying, or playing hard to get, who cares? He has two dozen more girls, and many of them will be likely to meet up.
Rather than relying on luck, or the whims of some flakey woman, your work ethic dictates your success. By having a many romantic leads, you not only increase your odds of getting laid, but create in yourself a sense of abundance, rather than scarcity. The women you interact with will sense your “I like you, but don’t need you” attitude, and this makes you even more attractive.
I have a simple rule for texting:
Don’t try to create attraction over text.
Now, I’m not an online seductionist. I prefer to meet women IRL. My job is to make a first impression that is so attractive, that gaming over text is unnecessary.
I’ve lost more women by over texting than I care to count.
My objective with texting is simple:
To get her to meet me.
My first text is only my name. “Tony.”
If she replies with a long text like “Oh hey Tony! It was great to meet you!” then she’s already more invested than I am. She’s working for me.
My next text will be: “Hey, there’s this great thing xyz. Want to meet up at 7pm on Tuesday?”
If she doesn’t give me a solid “Yes,” then I text: “What day is good for you?”
That’s it. Simple.
“But what if she doesn’t reply Tony?”
So what? I have a dozen more girls to ask out. Not just one.
I know different coaches have different theories about texting. I’m old. I don’t have the energy to chase women who aren’t interested. So this is my texting method.
Pickup is an amazing art form. It’s both incredibly complex, and amazingly simple. With all the information on the Internet it’s easy to become lost in complex theories, and forget that it really comes down to taking action.
Make a great first impression, approach a lot of women, don’t over game, and close.
Inside of that framework there are limitless variables that are beyond the scope of one blog post. But I’m a firm believer that personal experience is the best teacher.
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About Tony Depp With over a decade of experience, Tony Depp is a veteran dating coach and pickup instructor. He's taught live bootcamps in six countries, and over a dozen cities worldwide. Tony has published two books on seduction, and has written over a million words on his dating advice blog, wwww.absoluteability.com.