How To Not Give A Fuck
Giving too many fucks is a prison.
It stops you doing what you want with the one life you have.
It stresses you out, drains your energy and robs you of success. Worst of all, it prevents you from sharing your true personality with the world.
Sure, there are some things you should give a fuck about. Yet, the average person wastes so much energy worrying what other people think of them. They give so many fucks that it stops them enjoying their lives.
Life becomes a breeze for people who learn not to care about others’ opinions.
They stop worrying whether people like them – and focus on those who love them. It’s easier to find these people once you remove filters from your personality.
The question is: how do you become that carefree person?
Most people turn to drugs and alcohol – a simple solution to switch off your inhibitions. Sadly, it’s an unsustainable strategy with serious health consequences.
Below, we explore some ideas for maintaining a carefree personality all the time.
A person who doesn’t give a fuck about anything is an asshole. A loser. A degenerate. This isn’t the ultimate goal.
To be truly happy, you need to develop a solid idea of what is worth caring about. Your health is surely worth a few fucks. The safety of your family and close friends is definitely worth considering.
From there, find a purpose you’re so passionate about that it’s impossible to give a fuck about anything else. This is the best strategy to stop you sweating over the small stuff.
When ‘Mystery’ was on his mission to master seduction…
When Eminem was on his way to becoming the world’s greatest rapper…
When Nelson Mandela was trying to solve apartheid…
…did they give a fuck about anything else?
Maybe – but not enough to stop them steamrolling towards their goal.
In his best-selling book The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, Mark Manson explains: “There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care.”
Increased heart rate. Heavy breathing. Heavy muscles. The mind predicting every possible outcome.
People who ‘don’t give a fuck’ still feel these sensations, but act in spite of them.
Here’s a mindset shift to help you do this: stop interpreting these feelings as fear.
Interpret them as excitement.
This will encourage you to dive into ’scary’ situations, rather than run from them. Suddenly, you’ve become the guy who ‘doesn’t give a fuck’ about fear.
Meditation is a great practice to help separate yourself from your thoughts. You’ll learn to recognise emotions as signals you can either obey or ignore. Once you’re at this level, it becomes easy to stop giving a fuck about them.
You can bypass ‘giving a fuck’ by acting before your brain has time to think.
RSD Max created a rule for himself that says: “The moment I feel resistance, I’ve got to do it.”
It’s a great rule. After all, fear is excitement. Anything worth chasing is on the other side of it.
Mel Robbins encourages people to count backwards from five once they see something they want to do. This clears their mind so they can take action on ‘one’.
In her book The 5 Second Rule, she says: “Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for just a nanosecond, but that’s all it takes. That one small hesitation triggers a mental system that’s designed to stop you. And it happens in less than—you guessed it—five seconds”
Once you’ve started, keep going! Build momentum, so you’re too busy winning to even notice criticism.
When I first started blogging about dating and relationships, I asked fellow writer Matt Rudnitsky how to deal with the fear of haters.
He told me: “The best antidote is a regular publishing schedule. You realize: most people don’t give a crap about what you write. A few do, and they’re almost all positive. 94% of people ignore you, 5% thank you, and 1% spew irrational hatred so stupid that you can’t take it seriously.”
When shit hits the fan, ask yourself: can I fix it?
Getting emotionally attached to a problem never helped anyone. It’s always better to logically solve the situation, or let go if it’s unfixable.
This skill is developed in adversity. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. War veterans or kids from broken homes can numb themselves to unimportant stuff.
A lot of millennials haven’t experienced the hard times needed to do this. That’s why they’re commonly labelled as ‘snowflakes’, who crumble when anything goes wrong.
You’ll experience adversity when chasing success in any field. It arrives in the form of failure, stress and rejection. Recovering from this does a lot to stabilise your emotions in the face of negativity.
A great question to ask yourself is: will this matter in ten years time?
If not, it’s unlikely to be worth too many fucks.
Let’s say you’re suffering from approach anxiety after spotting some woman at the bus stop.
The ‘Ten Year Rule’ helps put most pointless fears in perspective.
That controversial tweet you posted. The edgy joke that offended someone. A failed attempt to kiss your date. How long do people think about these things for? How do their thoughts ultimately affect your life?
The human brain exaggerates unfamiliar situations to be more dangerous than they are. This is its way of keeping us alive.
Only when it sees evidence that a situation is safe will it calm down.
As such, the best way to stop giving a fuck about certain situations is to put yourself through them.
In most cases, the perception is worse than reality.
It’s common for pick-up coaches to throw their students into ‘social freedom challenges’ before any teaching begins. Perhaps they’ll be made to high-five people, sing in public or ask for directions to the STD clinic…
This demonstrates that most people don’t care what strangers are doing with their lives. They’re too caught up in their own problems. At worst, they typically stare for a couple of seconds.
Once you’ve experienced this, it’s far easier to approach women without caring what other people think.
The ego is our self-perception. A fabricated self-image of a cool guy who fills a certain role in society.
It helps us feel safe. It helps us feel accepted, even if this isn’t the role we truly want…
We give so many fucks about maintaining this self-image that we don’t strive to become better.
Our ego can’t handle change. It won’t let us fail or risk looking stupid, even though that’s essential for growth in any field. It’d rather we remain a big fish in a small pond.
To get over this, actively look for ways to kill the ego.
This will humble you. It’ll prevent you from being the coolest person in the room.
Now you can stop giving a fuck about trying to look like him – and focus on improving yourself instead…
Failures might hurt your ego, but you’ll ultimately realise that no-one cares.
Even if they do care, you’ll see it doesn’t matter
In this moment, you are truly free.
Suddenly, these ‘bold’ moves don’t feel scary at all. Endorphins pump through your body. Inhibitions disappear. Life becomes your playground. You feel the freedom to do or say what you want.
This won’t be your permanent state. You’ll still feel resistance to future unknown situations. Yet, over time, it becomes easier to push past this, especially when you recall how awesome it feels to escape your comfort zone.
The road to not giving a fuck might be a bumpy one, but it’s far better than being imprisoned by anxiety forever.
By learning how to give no fucks, you can rid yourself of all stress and insecurities.
You’ll gain the mental strength to go for everything you want in life. You’ll become the leader who everyone turns to for a good time. You’ll be able to joke and tell stories effortlessly, without any filters blocking your brain.
You’ll feel truly comfortable in your own skin and free to live the life you want.
These are extremely masculine qualities that will make you highly attractive to women. All without a drop of alcohol.
It’s time to regain control of your life…
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>