» When she’s sending mixed signals

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Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/

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She texts you enthusiastically one minute, then ignores your calls for three days. She says yes to a date, but then she accidentally makes other plans. How do you deal with a woman who can’t seem to make up her mind as to whether she wants you or not?

Play it Cool

Don't get crossed up

Getting frustrated about her inability to decide will only serve to scare her away. If she thinks you are desperate for her, she won’t think twice about being a bitch to you in not returning calls. Show her that you don’t need her, that you have an awesome social life of your own which doesn’t require her involvement, by not making a big deal about it when she cancels your date. As any stud knows, acting nonchalant will make you seem more desirable to her and she will have more of an inclination to chase you.

Is She Playing Hard to Get?

Sending mixed signals is often just a woman trying to play hard to get, confusing you in the meantime. That she sometimes puts in an effort, or seems receptive to your efforts, shows that she is at least slightly interested. She could just be playing by the book, and trying not to seem too easy. But if she keeps up her contradictory act for too long, you can be pretty sure that she is just flirting for the fun of it and it won’t go any further. If she’s been playing you beyond a reasonable amount of time, then move on to someone worth your effort.

Phone a Friend

If you think she’s worth the effort, you can do a little investigating to find out her intentions. If you have any mutual friends that you’re both close to, you’re in luck. Mention to the mutual friend that you are after this particular lady, and explain how she’s being difficult to chase. Perhaps the friend is already aware of the situation and can offer some insight, or can do some subtle investigating on your behalf. If you don’t have a mutually close friend, you can take a risk and target one of her friends – but only if you’re already acquainted. It would be a little weird to contact a friend of hers that you’ve never met out of the blue, demanding to know what’s going on. If you do go the route of phoning a friend – although perhaps a Facebook message would be a little less confrontational – be aware that the friend could tell her you asked. So only try this if you don’t mind laying your cards on the table, and letting her know (through a third party) that you’re very much interested.

The most important thing to remember in this situation is not to get too disheartened, and not to take it personally. As much as it’s a cliché to say “it’s not you, it’s me”, in this case it really isn’t you. Some women are just frustrating like that. Hell, even Katy Perry sings about this problem in her hit “Hot N Cold”- and nobody in their right mind would go cold on the lovely Katy Perry! Give her time to make up her mind if she’s worth it, but don’t let her string you along.

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17 Responses to When she’s sending mixed signals

  • God this resonates with some of the things I’ve gone through in the past. Staying nonchalont keeps her interested. The problem is when she is playing hot and cold because she’s nervous and doesn’t know how to handle it. If you act too distant she gives up because she thinks you don’t like her.

  • Anonymous says:

    wow just wow what o jesus

  • Anonymous says:

    how long is to long to play her game until you know its just flirting?

  • Natasha says:

    It’s difficult to put a timeframe on it because everyone is different, every situation is different and all that. Try to enjoy the chase and work to your time, not hers. Once your patience with her is gone, then it’s time to either forget and move on, or if you’re willing to suffer the indignity of being rejected, then start pursuing her more actively.

  • Mack says:

    She’s not playing hard to get, she’s got some other guys to play with.. Its up to you on how you play the game :)

  • Johnny C says:

    I agree Mack, if she’s playing hard to get she’ll still be around you and in touch with you, she’ll just make it seem like she doesn’t have feelings for you. If she’s blowing hot and cold, and there are phases where she seems distant and out of reach, it’s because you’re just one of many that she has pursuing her, so she can drop you without a second thought, as she has other guys occupying her mind and won’t be thinking about you whilst you’re going nuts thinking about her. It’s pretty easy to tell why a girl is blowing hot and cold with you, if she’s very good looking it’s because she has many options. If she’s a bit shy it’s probably because she’s nervous about putting you off. I think guys forget about what it’s like, just think of your on life, that girl you bump into a few times a week at work, and then chat with her and flirt a bit, then don’t think about her at all when she’s not around. Maybe the next time you see her you’re having a bad day and can’t really be bothered to talk to her so much. Well for all you know that girl could have feelings for you and is analysing your interactions together and going nuts trying to work out whether you like her or not. You like that girl but you don’t even think about her when she’s not around, there are other women you like a lot more than her. I guess it’s the same with women.

  • I agree Mack, if she’s playing hard to get she’ll still be around you and in touch with you

  • jenny says:

    hey natasha,
    that sounds just like me,i think you should not reveal these secrets:):)

  • lokman says:

    this kind of women is difficult to deal..

  • ali says:

    i want to meet personaly bear girl?

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