What To Do If She Cancels
You know the scenario.
You meet a girl, you set up a date, and she flakes you on you. Bummer.
There are a million reasons why she might cancel, from the very legitimate to the upmost of game playing. And the truth is, you may not ever know the exact truth.
But what can you do is handle the situation like a man. Or better yet, like an alpha male.
Here’s how to hold on to your dignity when a girl ditches your date.
“Maybe she’s seeing another guy. Or maybe she’s going out with her girlfriends to meet better guys. Or maybe she’s going to some Eyes Wide Shut style orgy. Or maybe she’s a murderer and she’s burying a body tonight.”
Stop it right now. Probably none of those things are happening. At least, almost definitely not the last two.
Yes, whatever reason she gave you for canceling might be bullshit. But it might also not be, and we’ll establish a rule for this a little later on to save you from looking like a chump.
But here’s the truth of why she probably canceled.
Something slightly more interesting came up for her.
You don’t get to blame her for this, if anything, it’s your fault for not being a fun enough option.
She also doesn’t know you all that well yet. So it’s not personal. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing to a girl who you were just mildly interested in. Try to empathize the situation.
The silver lining here is that by giving you a white lie, she doesn’t want you to lose interest just yet. If she really reverses her decision to go out, or flat out declines, you’ll know.
So keep your head up. Women flake out on dates for the oddest reasons sometimes. A girl once confessed to me she had canceled our previous date because she had a zit.
I remember noting the irony of, “I’m looking at you naked right now, and you were worried about a zit?”
“My parents are out of town and I have to go watch their dog.”
Are all common excuses you’ll hear (yes, even the dog one). But as mentioned earlier, there’s a good chance that these excuses were born out of you not seeming fun enough. So don’t justify her decision by getting all mopey and nonchalant.
On the contrary, turn up the flirting to 11.
To those texts I would respond;
“You know what’s a good cure for the cold? Whiskey with guys named Chris.”
“Sounds like you’re stressed. I’d recommend a strong drink followed by mild to medium making out.”
“Oh, gotchya. I’ll wait for your ‘Come Over ;)’ text.”
You’re fun, you’re funny, you’re escalating sexual tension. Even if she doesn’t reverse her decision (and occasionally she might), you’re laying good ground work here and incentivizing her to ask you out on the next date.
Before a date, maybe a day or two in advance, do a little window-shopping.
Pick something out that you wouldn’t mind buying, and if she cancels your date, go buy it.
Get a new shirt, shoes or haircut. Take the money that you would have put into a date and treat your self.
Now granted, first dates shouldn’t be very expensive, but still, you’re saving money by not taking her out, so at the very least you’ll be getting a discount.
I’ve been doing this for a little while, and on occasion, I’ve been guilty of actually getting a little excited when a girl cancels. I’m certainly not missing her company by the time I’m ringing up a fresh pair of Chuck Taylors.
Don’t just stay in if she cancels. Call up some friends and hit the town to take your mind off of things.
Two tricks here. Either;
a) Schedule dates on nights you know that you’re friends are already getting together so that you’ll have back up plans.
b) Invite her out to somewhere you already are. A party or bar etc. This way, if she cancels, you just keep on with your night. No skin off your back.
You’ll want to give yourself a little distance from this girl after she cancels so that you don’t look desperate.
But after a few days, try again. This time, however, deescalate your ask.
Most guys will do the opposite, and try to escalate their plans for dates. If coffee didn’t work, they’ll ask for drinks, and if drinks didn’t work, they’ll try for diner, etc.
That’s wrong and backwards.
The way you convince somebody to do things is by getting them to make small, easy commitments. So if drinks were too much, go down to coffee and so on.
Make it easy for her to say “yes”.
The best thing you can is ask for her to meet you out somewhere where you already are. Either a party, bar or some kind of social event.
This works because it feels sporadic, so it’s low pressure on her part, and you’re already somewhere that’s fun.
Low pressure and fun. Those are the key ingredients.
Now, if she cancels on you again, which might happen, only ask one more time before writing this girl off.
If after canceling on you three times, she asks you out, that’s fine, but don’t allow yourself to get strung along too far.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.