Eliminate teh Negative
Here is a great Derek Vitalio, author of Non Verbal Sexual Cueing, article on learning from mistakes and practicing for perfection.
Oftentimes, we are our own worst enemies. We need to learn how to avoid berating ourselves over mistakes and awkwardness, and instead use what we’ve experienced to help us further ourselves.
Let’s get Serious about this
Remember a little earlier when I gave you a brief outline of how to turn around your impressions of negative experiences, how to STOP thinking of them as negative and turn your attitude around?
Well, here we go again. Only this time, I’m going a little more in-depth. I’m going to give you a whole a step-by-step powerful mental exercise to practice.
I know, you’re getting a lot of these mental exercises, and you should be at just about the stage where your initial enthusiasm is waning, you think you know enough, and you’re ready to put down the advice and forget it half-read, using just what you know so far.
Don’t you do it.
Now I don’t mean don’t go out and PRACTICE. That’s HUGE. Book learning can only get you so far I’d say, tops, understanding the ideas and techniques is 30% of the battle. The rest is real-world testing and honing, making the transition from book-smarts to street smarts. THAT’S the hard part.
So don’t stay at home on a Saturday night forever rereading passages from this tome, thinking you’re getting it when in truth you STILL haven’t got the experience to approach a woman on the street.
You NEED to get out there and do this shit.
But at the same time, with what you know now, you’ll be better than you were before probably much better but nowhere NEAR your full potential. So I want you to take a moment to reaffirm your commitment to this program and promise yourself that you aren’t going to stop until you UNDERSTAND it all and can put what you know into PRACTICE.
If you think the above is a waste of time, take two moments. I’m not kidding.
Alright, now that you’ve breathed pure good feelings knowing that you’re working hard for YOU and YOUR goals, let’s take a look at another exercise.
This one is Reprogramming Your Mistakes.
Reprogramming Your Mistakes
1. Relax, and take a deep breath. Close your eyes and slow your thoughts.
2. Do the Relaxation Exercise to deepen your receptive non-critical state.
3. Think of a mistake you’ve made in the past with women, one you don’t want to repeat.
4. Conjure a specific instance when that mistake hurt your chances with a woman.
5. Now, rewind the tape in your mind to 10 seconds before you committed the gaffe. Freeze it.
6. As an impartial wise observer, whisper in your past self’s ear the advice you need to hear to make the situation turn out right.
7. Press pause again and let the movie play. Notice how differently things play out as your new self uses your advice.
8. Now rewind again and play it forward one more time only THIS time, insert your current self into the movie. Change from the observer to the participant.
9. Create a vivid world. See, hear, smell everything as it is within the movie. Create the new reality with one crucial difference it’s occupied by your new self. Make this imaginary world as real as you possibly can.
10. Now imagine a future situation where this situation replays itself. Picture yourself acting in the new way, and observe the positive results that come about.
11. Count to yourself from one to five, saying Now I will count from one to five, and when I open my eyes I will feel much better than I ever have before¦ 1¦ 2¦ 3¦ 4¦ 5. Open your eyes and write down your experiences from within your created realities.
How is this helping?
This is powerful stuff. This is EXACTLY what batters do after they strike out and it’s why GREAT hitters will knock a pitch out of the park if you show it to them twice. You are literally RESHAPING REALITY. You are recreating it in a way that is beneficial to you.
This isn’t as hard as it sounds. We all do this all the time the only difference is, most of the time we dwell on a negative experience and replay it over and over, cementing it as our way of being in similar circumstances.
Or we think of the negative experience and replay it in a positive way but never project it into the future. That step is KEY for preparation.
This doesn’t just have to be about particular THINGS you did wrong, it can be about situations you find UNCOMFORTABLE as well.
Changing your attitude in awkward environments
Say you don’t like clubs. Most guys don’t, because most guys have a had a number of negative experiences in them (even if the worst that ever happened was you saw some shmuck leave with a lady and you went home with your hand).
Using the same exercise, instead of focusing on something you said or did, focus on your ATTITUDE when you enter the club.
Then, rewind to walking in the door, or just before that girl gave you the cold shoulder, or whatever you choose as the marker for when the NEGATIVE started affecting your behavior.
When you go back, CALM YOURSELF DOWN and whisper all the GOOD things that will happen to you instead of worrying about the BAD. Use your relaxation trigger.
Then, when you REALLY are there and the nervousness starts to bubble, the trigger will be that much more POWERFUL.
Practice this a lot. I’d recommend every day, cycling through different experiences and environments where you had those negative vibes ruining you. Keep doing it until you can CONTROL those negative thoughts, and TRANSFORM them into relaxed confident ones. Only when you’re relaxed are you truly going to be able to be PLAYFUL.
Alright, here’s one more related exercise I’m throwing in which can do WONDERS for you.
What you first need to do is pick a guy whose skills you admire. Someone you know personally is best. Short that, someone you’ve seen at work is fine as well. Short that, picking a smooth character like James Bond or Indiana Jones can be just as powerful. If you can find someone who’s personality isn’t too far off from yours (quiet with quiet, charismatic with charismatic, etc) that’s best of all.
1. Relax, take a deep breath, and close your eyes.
2. Relaxation for a few minutes.
3. Think of your example. Someone who gets women like he’s born to it.
4. Put your example in his own movie. Watch him moving throughout his day. Notice how he carries himself, what he thinks, how he moves, what he says.
5. Now imagine that you rise out of your body and enter into the body of this person. Run the movie again, and notice how you carry yourself, what you think, how you move, what you say.
6. After you are satisfied that you can BECOME your example, relax and count from one to five, saying. Now I will count from one to five, saying . Now I will count from one to five, and when I open my eyes I will feel much better than I ever have before¦ 1¦ 2¦ 3¦ 4¦ 5. Open your eyes and write down your experiences from within your created realities.
This is also great because if you ever find yourself stuck with a situation, and you don’t know how you should act to make it turn out right, you can just insert your preferred stud and see how HE’D handle it. Then, graft and adapt his moves to yours.
Don’t Lose Yourself in a sketch
I want to stress, this is NOT about losing yourself and becoming someone else. This is about figuring out the SKILLS of this other guy, and making them work for YOU and YOUR personality. There are thousands of ways up a mountain, and you’ve gotta figure out which one is right for YOU.
But watching how someone else does it can only help. Think of it like learning all about carabiners and ropes and knots before you go climbing. Sure, you’re going to pick your own route but watching someone else do it right can only help.
Your homework? Practice this. Take it to the streets and practice with real people what you’ve practiced with imaginary ones. If things don’t go as you imagined, don’t get discouraged you’re just getting a better feel for the way people really are and the way they really act.
Don’t see your mistakes as failures, but as learning experiences. Keeping the positive attitude is the only way you’re going to improve, and figuring out how to turn your obstacles into lessons is the way to do that.
Enjoy this stuff. After a bit of time, you’ll feel different about EVERYTHING.
For more of Derek’s great information click here.
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Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.