If Your Girlfriend is Away at College Refrain From Reading

This was a conversation I had with my buddy Ebin a couple months ago in the food court of the mall. Ebin is young and naive. I didn’t want to be so harsh with him, but he had to hear it.

"Dump her right now!” I am in the middle of telling Ebin what his girlfriend will be doing come September when she goes away to college.
"I can’t dump her. I’m in love with her,” he says.
This naïve kid.
"You only think you love her because you’re getting steady pussy for the first time in your life,” I tell him.
"We agreed we are going to make this work”
"Sorry to shatter your dreams, but it ain’t gonna work. She’ll be out in Michigan partying away at college. In three months you’re going to get the call. Best advice I can give you is to beat her to it.”
"I was her first. She isn’t going to dump me.”
"You were her first of many. Believe me I went to college. I know how it is.”
"No way she is gonna cheat on me. She looked me in the eye and swore.”
"I hope you don’t really believe this shit your telling yourself. Every girl I fucked in college had a boyfriend back home. But hey, maybe she’s different.”
"She is. All summer she’s crying how she doesn’t want to leave.”
"Listen. I’m only saying this for your own good. At college, the first month of school, all the frats have rush parties. At these parties all the freshmen go and they drink. The girls drink the punch cause it taste good. The punch is filled with Everclear. You know what Everclear is?”
"No”
"Its grain alcohol. The bitches drink a few glasses of the shit and next thing you know they’re in the dirty bathroom with their mouth around some brother’s cock, while his friends are watching, flipping coins to see who goes next. But hey maybe your girlfriend is different?”
Ebin looks like he is going to puke.
"I can’t break up with her.”
"What are you like 19? I dated a girl for like three years when I was around your age. Bought a dog together and everything. I wasted three of my prime fucking years. For what? To watch Friends with her on Thursdays.”
"Do you miss her now?”
"I don’t even remember what she looks like.”

An update: This past Monday

Ebin’s girlfriend has just finished telling him the magic number. 4. Maybe 5 guys, she was really drunk and she thinks he didn’t keep his hard on long enough to get inside of her. But she’s not sure. She’s going to count it for sake of arguement.

Now, what this bitch did out in Michigan over the last couple months was expected. But why she felt the necessity to go into detail with him is one of the reasons I firmly believe that women can be the most predatory animal on the face of the earth.