The Art of Breaking the Ice
Ah.. the hardest part of the pick up game. Derek Vitalio is back again with another good piece on approaching.
by Derek Vitalio
Ok, remember in some of my past newsletters I’ve told you that there are no magic bullets? there are no amazing pick-up lines that will get you the girl?
Good. I mean it. I really do.
Now let’s work on those lines.
Seriously, WHAT you say isn’t half as important as HOW you say it. Still, it can only help if you are PREPARED.
When you first start working on your flirting, unless you are Joe Cool, you are going to get NERVOUS. That’s alright, it’s just a fact.
Even the best sometimes get nervous in front of a beautiful woman.
The difference between the best and the rest, though, is a man in control knows how to, you guessed it, CONTROL his nerves.
That takes practice, scores of rejections, hundreds of dates and even then you’ll feel the nerves kick in now and again.
THAT’S why we are going to work on some lines. It’s not the words that are key, it’s the RELAXED CONFIDENCE that comes from knowing you have some good things to say. Knowing that if you’re stuck, you’ve got an out. If you’re nervous enough to froth a cappuccino with your touch, you’ve got a witty something that will escape your brain lock, get her laughing, and get you relaxed.
Plus, funny as you might become, not everyone can riff like Conan O’Brien. And even HE has prepared material.
So, what sort of thing do you want to say to a woman? What are the emotions that you want to get her feeling?
Think about it. Write down your thoughts. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Done it? NO?!! Look, I know this stuff, this is for YOU, and you aren’t getting ANYWHERE without some effort. Screw I’ll do it in my head, there is something much more permanent and lasting about a thought committed to paper.
And I’m not just talking about having it on paper. When I was in school, I found that something I took notes on I remembered without needing the notes afterwards? while things I planned to just remember always got forgotten. That extra effort now makes a big difference later.
So if you’re serious about improving your game, then get a pencil, because you’ve got WORK to do in this newsletter.
Don’t worry. The pay is great.
Now, I’ll wait one more time, write down what you think a woman WANTS to feel, what feeling will create ATTRACTION in her.
If you’re a regular reader of this newsletter and not a lazy sloth, you’ve probably got something about humor on your list. Why?
Laughter feels GOOD. It shoots seratonin all over your head. It’s a complex reaction? as near as we can tell, only humans laugh? and it integrates many parts of the brain. It also RELAXES people and allows them to relax their GUARD.
There is a reason laughter can be called DISARMING. There’s a reason it’s often a reaction to an uncomfortable situation, and that we have dark or gallows humor. Laughter is a RELEASE.
If you get a girl laughing, you make her feel better than she did a moment before. Her world gets sunnier, her defenses descend a smidge (at a time), and she associates that good feeling with YOU.
That’s a powerful combo.
But it doesn’t end there.
I was always a funny guy, but before I figured things out I WASN’T good at attracting women with it. Oh, women LIKED me, they just weren’t ATTRACTED to me.
My humor had two problems that we need to stay away from: one, I was sometimes TOO funny, too GOOFY, and that’s death. Two, I used my humor in such a disarming way that all the tension in conversations was gone. Everyone was happy, relaxed, and completely devoid of that magical TENSION that sexual emotions thrive on.
It was very frustrating. I can feel a lot of nodding heads out there; you aren’t alone.
So I had to come up with a way to keep the tension IN, and USE THAT in my humor.
One day, after enough trial and error, I realized you need some ARROGANCE in there. If you have just the right amount of alphaness it changes your humor from DEFLATING a balloon of tension to something that PUMPS IT UP even more.
When the balloon is ready to explode, look out. You’ve got a wild woman on your hands.
A GREAT way to let that arrogance come out is gentle mocking of whomever you’re talking to or even anyone nearby, although ironically you are at greater risk of looking like a jerk by mocking people nearby than if you OPENLY TEASE the girl you’re talking to.
Also, you can’t be afraid to use SEXUAL humor. Most guys are scared of it because, done wrong, you look sleazy and most of us have made some errors of judgment in our drunker moments.
But done right, sexual humor increases sexual TENSION exponentially, and makes you look like a confident, experienced stud. The biggest key is making it funny and natural. We’re not looking for crude, we’re looking for sophistication.
Ok, enough theory, how about an example.
Say you’re at a bar, and a woman walks in wearing a dress that’s only over one shoulder, flowing, it almost looks like a toga.
Maybe you say? All you need now is a blindfold and a scale, and you could get away with that dress. She’ll be surprised, maybe even shocked? most men don’t talk that way to her, bonus for you, you’re separated from the pack already? but if she’s got any humor in her, she’ll dissolve into a smile or laughter.
As the interaction continues and if you’re both still playing with your opener, you might follow up with Wow, I barely know you, and already you’re bringing blindfolds into the relationship? You are a kinky one. I’m sorry, this just isn’t working out, you move too fast for me. After all, ‘m more than just a sex toy. I need someone who loves me for me, not just my astounding physique. (This is even better when you obviously DON’T have an astounding physique.)
At this point, she’ll be enjoying herself, you’ll be making her laugh, you’ll stand out from the crowd, and you’ll be building the sexual tension to an incredible degree.
Or say you see a knockout, you’re talking for a bit, you get her smiling, and then you ask So what’s it like?
Her: What’s what like?
You: Well, being a beautiful women, you must be able to get all the guys to do whatever you want. What’s that like?
You: (after a shocked pause or a knowing smile, depending on the girl) And what’s it like being with me, knowing that won’t work?
I’ve personally used that one to great affect? it becomes a funny topic for the rest of the evening. Sometimes I send the woman out on missions to get other guys to buy drinks to give to me! It blows my mind that these guys can see this all happening and they’ll still buy the drinks, thinking somehow that’s impressive.
It’s not. Relaxed confidence is impressive. As is wit.
Later in the night she might be beaming at you after you’ve said something arrogant and playful, and you deadpan with a serious face You love me. Or I hate you. Or You’re not one of those stalker ex-girlfriends, are you?
Are you feelin this? Good.
Get that pen out. It’s sweatin time.
I want you to think of five places where you see lots of women. Create a page for each place if you are keeping an attraction journal, give each one a page.
Now, brainstorm cocky funny things you can say in each situation. Try to come up with five each. Play with them. Take them out for test drives. Get the delivery right? say these sort of things incorrectly and you could sound like a prick. Say them right, and you sound like a stud.
Get a stable of remarks that you feel comfortable with, and that you know will get a good response most of the time. Perfect them. Make sure you refine your list with responses to comebacks that sharp women will throw at you.
When you’re comfortable with them and can use them to good affect, add more. Your list should keep growing, until one day you outgrow it. With enough practice, you won’t need to think of witty things to say, you will simply BE a wittier person.
REMEMBER though, it isn’t the words as much as the delivery. The right words can help your delivery, and having a ready list can help your confidence. But it’s HOW you say it that matters.
One of my favorite ex-girlfriends I met at a party without ANY words? we had a playful drama using nothing but facial expressions while I waited to use the bathroom across the room. She couldn’t wait to give me her info.
It’s HOW you say it. Sorry to repeat myself, but that is really the key to it all.
HOW. Ok I’m done.
Of course, if you want to know more about HOW to come across as the confident man that women find attractive, you should check out my Seduction Science programs. They’re full of tips to improve ALL aspects of your approach, from the deep inner game (Masculinity Enhancement Series)to the most extreme outer game, like what lines work best for breaking the ice (Opening Magic and The Blueprint). Check it out.
Until next time.
Here is another article related to the subject:?https://www.tsbmag.com/2018/03/08/how-to-break-the-ice-and-be-interesting-without-saying-much/
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.