How to Really Arouse a Women


How to Spark Arousal

by Derek Vitalio

Finding the Elusive Kiss

So youve been touching your lady in a non-threatening, playful, and sexually stimulating way. Youre ready to go (natch), and she seems into you, but for whatever reason, the CHANCE never seems to come.

The kiss-me look never quite materializes, or it comes at just the wrong time (her cell phone rings, for example). Shes shy and never gives you a good head-to-head look from which you can lean into it (and twisting around her craned neck is NOT sexy). Whatever. It happens.

What can you do to create sexual attraction? Well, one thing that works all by itself almost ALWAYS is this:

Take Control

Gently but firmly take hold of her chin between your thumb and index finger. Move her head to face you. Think sex scene in a movie.

Chances are shell melt then and there and you wont have to say a thing.

HOWEVER, sometimes youll have a woman who wants to PROVE just how strong she is, or how cool she is, or shell just be so nervous that shell actually pull away slightly even though she WANTS to be kissed.

What do you do?

Be straightforward: say Do you want me to kiss you?

If she says yes or nothing, just do it. If she says maybe, say Lets find out.and do it.

And if she says no ? unlikely given the build-up youve gone through to get here ? say I didnt say you could ? you just looked like you had something on your mind. in a playful teasing tone. Dont act let down ? you were just PLAYING with her. Get it?

Wow, that was easy.

Be bold by not caring

You need to be BOLD here ? although bold isnt the right word. Bold suggests you are doing something DESPITE doubting yourself or the result. It suggests a bravery that you want to erase.

WHAT?!! I dont want you to be BRAVE?

That’s right. I want you not to care.

Listen, OBVIOUSLY you want to score. If you didnt, you wouldnt go to the trouble of wooing this lady, or setting the right mood, or reading this book even.

But you cant let that be your OBVIOUS DIRECT goal when youre in the process.

You need to concentrate on the PROCESS, and your GOAL should be as slick as you can.

Do that, and yeah, the sex will come (woohoo!), but if all you worry about is the sex that gets telegraphed to your lady in the worst possible way.

So, again, RELAXED playfulness is the key. While you are sexually cuing her you dont want it to be overtly SEXUAL, as weve discussed before. You want it to be FUN.

STAY PLAYFUL, dont get serious

The mistake most men make when they try to turn up the notch is they suddenly get too SERIOUS.

Think about it. Imagine yourself in a first kiss. How often are either of you smiling as you go into it in your head?

Admit it. Not much. Most likely your imagination has you both laughing, catching each others eye, sobering up with a soulful look, and then a lustful lip-lock.

Listen, it can work that way. Just like people can fall in love at first sight.

However, when you get SERIOUS at this crucial moment you cause her to think SERIOUSLY about it. Suddenly shes switched into Is he mate material? mode and, unless youve got a deep spiritual connection going, shes gonna have some doubts.

You dont want doubts. You dont want all those somber questions floating around. Hell, its just a kiss!

Stop treating it like a life-long pairing. Keep it RELAXED. Keep it PLAYFUL. Keep it FUN.

So no, dont be brave about the kiss. If it takes that much bravado, youve already built it up too much.

Treat it like youve been there before. Like a natural extension of the fun youre having. And not like youre entering some new chapter in a saga, but just part of the path.

Trust me, this works.

Why its good you studied sine and cosine waves in High School

And once youve kissed ? STOP. Thats right. Go back to the fun you were having like nothing happened.

Shell wonder what the hells going on.

Of course, you know youre just TEASING her. By pushing forward and then stepping back, youre increasing the sexual tension. Suddenly SHES the one thinking about sex ? not in the serious Could-I-Marry-Him way, but in the Does-He-Like-Me? way.

When you fill in your next silence with another kiss, you should take it a little further. Then draw back a bit. And then take it a bit further.

See where this is going?

You want to ratchet up the sexual tension until she is WANTING to go further, faster than youre going.

Keep playful. Make her beg (not in a mean way ? remember, this should be FUN for BOTH of you). Before you know it, youll both be naked and putting the lambada to shame.

If you go too fast and she is uncomfortable, back off a bit and build her up. The key is making sure she WANTS the next step before you get there.

This means taking your time. Go slow. Pay attention to all the parts of her body (the erogenous zone is anywhere on the body, as long as you take your time and stimulate it).

Surprise her now and again ? give her a tickle when she expects a caress. Peck her cheek and lean back when she expects a french kiss. Ever-so-slowly undress her, but when her bra is off, say Oh, you look cold playfully and put her cardigan over her shoulders and lean back with a mischievous grin.

Get it?

You’re only Man

Now this isnt as easy to practice until youre regularly getting women in your bedroom, so Im going to give you an odd exercise here to simulate the control you need.

Remember when youve been masturbated by an experienced woman, or imagine being masturbated by one. Many of us know this feeling, so we might as well use it.

She moves forward with your arousal ? but then stops or slows down. She doesnt just go with the usual linear build to a crescendo. Instead, she takes her time to go in waves, with each crest a bit higher than the last.

When she finally gets you to orgasm, chances are itll be better than the usual.

Thats how you want to treat her.

The ladies will thank you for taking the time to enjoy the moment, instead of simply aiming for the splat.

Enjoy this knowledge, because not only is it the key to properly arousing her, but its the key to great sex as well. Use it wisely.

If you want to learn more about the keys to making yourself into the most incredible lover she’s ever had, then you’ll want to check out my CD audio series Blisssnosis. It’s one of the original Seduction Science books designed specifically to show you what to do when you want to keep a woman you seduce.


Your Friend,

Derek Vitalio

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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