The 7 Elements of Charisma
I posted this back in January of 2006. I’ve got 0ver 1000 posts on here so I realize that some people new to this blog might miss out on some great posts of the past. I’m trying to go through old posts and ad the good ones to the Hot Topics section on the side bar.
That being said I wanted to repost this article I found several years ago on charisma. Charisma is something that you can not put a price tag. It’s a priceless attribute that well benefit you in all areas of your life. Some people say that it can’t be taught. I disagree. Yes, there will always be those magically natural charismatic figures… But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for a few more of us. Even if we just take one or two of these elements and work on them, I believe you’ll see a huge increase in response.
There is some powerful stuff in this article and when you have the time I suggest reading it through several times. I wish I could find the author’s name to give them proper credit. If anyone knows please leave it as a comment and I’ll edit it in later. Thanks.
Here’s the article in its entirety
Charisma (n): a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others
Seduction has always been the most talked about art, and that is because it is more easily grasped. Learning the art of seduction is extrospective (looking outward), while charisma is introspective (looking inward). Once it is developed, it is a powerful tool that you can use to easily influence the people around you.
The Seven Elements of Charisma
IT’S THE SAME OLD SCENARIO: You and your friends want to hang out and go to a club, but you want a club where the women are attractive and have some class. There might be twenty or so nightclubs to choose from, but with standards like these you really only have four or five. And forget it – as much as your optimistic-adrenaline-testosterone self would like to believe, there is no such place as “Club Orgy.” Bar hop all night, and you’ll come closer to finding The Lost City of Atlantis before you’ll find a club where the women that you’ve set your standards for are down for the one night action you’ve got on your mind.
Unless of course you’ve got some serious game. “Game” translates in all cultures to a similar state of mind: Charisma. But what exactly is Charisma? We’ll tell you what it’s not – It’s not arrogance. And it’s not pretentiousness. It’s an aura that surrounds you, that attracts people to you. Great leaders in history understood this – Hitler entranced the small country of Germany into following him in a pursuit of World Domination. The greatest con artists used charisma to lull their victims into sometimes giving up fortunes and life savings. And actor’s on screen portray it in their carefully written lines and parts, when in all reality they may lack true charisma off the set. Brad Pitt has charisma on the screen – and you can bet that he’s not as charismatic off it. And remember Tom Cruise in Top Gun – every guy wanted to be like him for years after that movie came out.
Both of these actors are American icons, their on-screen personas developed over the years by numerous writers, directors, and people paid to teach “presence.” You know, the same kind of people that instruct run-way models how to enter a room and command the attention of all just by the way they carry themselves.
Maybe an easy way to make the word charisma understandable is to define it as knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout . This takes discipline, which is acquired with practice. Actors are expected to rehearse the same parts over and over again to get things just right for the camera. Writers re-write their pieces sometimes repeatedly before their scripts are finally approved to begin a film shoot.
As an example of what we mention above, look hard at the fine detail that Hollywood uses to craft the “on-screen presence” of a main or central character. A main or central character must command attention throughout the film to hold the audience’s interest. The more attention they command, through elements of intrigue, mystery, and action, the greater
their on-screen presence . Many elements go in to this “on-screen presence” – these are elements of charisma.
But this is real life, not Hollywood. In reality, and as charisma applies to the social scene and to the women involved in the social scene, it’s all about diplomacy.
THE FIRST ELEMENT: PRESENCE
The first element of charisma is “presence.” Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention.
To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself . Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone – as a European sports car, it’s sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It’s not moving, it’s not talking – it’s not doing a thing and yet you’ve taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.
Presence is important… It is the very first step to making a highly effective first impression. As numerous elements make up charisma, so do numerous elements make up presence.
What do you need to do create presence? The following steps will get you well on your way:
Image is Everything: So Pay Attention to Detail
* Dress in a style that is considered fashionable. Wear clothes that will get you compliments. You care about your image and it shows. While it’s good to have an image that says that you care about how you look, you don’t have to exactly mimic the trendy crowd around you, which by tradition is all ‘into looks’. Be a little creative, looking for those items that will make your wardrobe more original than the average well-dressed guy. But recognize, if a woman is well into the trendy crowd, to seduce her you’d better seem high up in it yourself.
* In general, the attractive women in society prefer a man with a clean, short hair cut. This same group of women (most desired by men) also prefers men to be clean shaven. A clean shave says two things about you… First, it says that you’re well-groomed, and second that you prefer a more youthful look, and are aware of the social ramifications of a clean shaven face. Does this mean you have to be clean shaven? No. In regards to first impressions, we’re just telling you what women prefer in general.
And when following what women are generally known to prefer, you position yourself in such a way as to have the statistically greatest chances of success at catching their attention with your image.
Some other tips to enhance your presence:
* If you’re white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine?… Find a nearby tanning salon.
* Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Even if you’re not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems as though you are.
* Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don’t over do it – learn to read when it is called for, and when it’s not). * A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people’s walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self- esteem and confidence. ( * Refer to The Sixth Element: Diplomacy.)
* What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout.
* How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you’re disinterested (meaning, you’re not payingtoo much attention to any one person) – and that’s because you feel that their is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you’re never “star-struck” because you are the star. In the end, your goal is to give off the impression that you’re a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles – not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you’re to prestigious to stare. *People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. (* Refer to Element II: “Regal Bearing”).
In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don’t have a high level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note – the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).
By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious self-image don’t accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you’ve created “presence.”
Introducing ‘Universal Presence’: Dressing In A “Safety Zone”
When it comes to first impressions, there’s a certain zone statistically most women respond to, and for the purpose of this section we’ll call it the “safety zone”. You can dress how you’ve always dressed, or you can dress in a way that women are known most often to admire.
Nowadays, the trendy Calvin Klein / Ralph Lauren look seems to be in with the “cool” upscale crowds… and as such, this is what most women admire. (Not all women, just most). Now, if this isn’t the type of woman you’re after, then disregard the next few paragraphs regarding personal image. The important thing to realize, is that it’s about presenting yourself (dressing) in such a way as to impress the women you’re targetting. Biker girls like tattooed-up bikers. Thug girls like thug guys. Punk rock girls like punk rock guys. Cowgirls like cowboys.
Analyze the traits most admired by the women you’re most after. Then adapt these traits into who you are to give yourself the greatest odds for getting these women.
The great seducers understood what the women they were after most looked for in a man’s appearance, and so they portrayed this image for the sole purpose of getting these women. Today, this means that if you’re going after a woman who’s ‘big on country’, dressing with a ‘hip hop’ look probably isn’t going to have a good effect.
Now, let’s say that you prefer country music, however where you work the women are more into hip hop… The easiest way then to seduce these women, is to first keep your musical preferences to yourself, and second recognize what they admire most in guys that listen to hip hop. Loose fitting jeans. Well-styled hair. Designer clothes… Nike, Polo, Etc. You can then make the choice to greatly enhance your chances with these women by dressing in this fashion.
‘Universal Presence’ Part II: Understanding That Presence Is A Key Element In First
For the most part, how you are regarded by others is how people you come into contact with will regard you. But if they don’t know you from Adam, if you’re a complete stranger to them, then they will subconsciously prejudge you and form an early opinion of you before EVEN MEETING YOU.
It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. It is psychological, it is subconscious. We relate the situations we’re presented with based on our passed experiences.
When creating an aura of charisma, you’re using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can’t control because they’re unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here’s an analogy: If you look like a thug, you’ll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you’ll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.
Once you’ve been prejudged, it’s that much easier to create the effect that you’re after. Notice that we used the word “probably” in the above paragraph? We use the word “probably” to represent the other person’s expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it’s that much easier to give it to them.
Many elements make up charisma; presence is but one. Most people don’t understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the rest of us, it is an acquired art – something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It is a very influential tool when you want something. Of the three arts we go over, Charisma is the most powerful . We discuss it in-depth first because the other two arts require it to be truly effective (interestingly, charisma, and how it applies to meeting and dating women, is overlooked in even the most popular self-help books on the current market.)
THE SECOND ELEMENT: REGAL BEARING
Bearing (n) : The manner in which one carries or conducts oneself
The most inclusive of the elements, bearing applies to both physical posture and general conduct: “He has the poise and bearing of a champion.”
Bearing: Standing Tall
* The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. If you carry yourself as if you’re a person aware of social graces, and if you carry yourself as if you’re a person of prestige (you’re used to having respect), for the most part you will be regarded in the same fashion. Act like an important person to be treated like one.
THE THIRD ELEMENT: MANNER
Manner (n) : a way of acting or behaving
If your presence and regal bearing have given women the impression that you’re an important person and that you’re considered an important person by others, manner, as we use it here, refers to how you act and behave in relation. What, then, is the manner of a charismatic persona?
You put thought into your words and actions – you base what you do and say on how the other person will most likely react.
* Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to have? What effect is it that I’m going for? Will I sound like I know what I’m talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am not a good conversationalist?
A charismatic persona is thought of as being a good conversationalist, among other things, and for you to continue to give off the aura of charisma that you initially gave off with your presence and regal bearing, then you need to be good at conversation. If you foul up the conversation process, then your whole charismatic presence and regal bearing are thrown
out the window. And now that this woman has met you, she’s made a new judgement of you. On the other hand, if you are (or at least seem to be) an exceptional conversationalist, the charismatic effect that you are going for will only be heightened.
THE FOURTH ELEMENT: FINESSE
Finesse (n): Refinement and delicacy of performance, execution, or artisanship
By now you’ve realized that many of these elements are very similar terms and carry similar definitions as each other. The first three elements, bearing, presence, and manner add together to stand for essentially the same thing: the way you carry yourself. They apply to a person’s behavior. People judge other people on their behavior, especially since it reveals many distinctive personal qualities regarding their individuality or upbringing. As mentioned before, it is a subconscious habit to relate a new experience (for example, meeting someone new) with past experiences (people you’ve known or known of).
Suave. Smooth. Finesse. This is how you want to go about your act. You will need to think along these lines when focusing on presence, on bearing, on manner. You shouldn’t be able to tell where one ends and the other begins. They should all merge into one, each small bodies coming together to form a smooth liquid unity.
Finesse: The Tricks of the Trade
* Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time.
* Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually.
* Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease – so when you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first start practicing the art) by being confident on the outside and relaxed on the inside. Never let them see you sweat.
* Practice being subtle (“subtle,” as used here, means ‘So slight as to be difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.’).
THE SEVENTH ELEMENT: ALLURE
Allure (n): the power to entice or attract through personal charm
Ah, the last of the elements. It is the essence of charisma. But without the other elements, it would never be reached. When we’ve mentioned “aura” as a part of charisma, allure is that aura. It is infective. Women and guys alike are drawn in. Suddenly you find yourself surrounded by many friends and girlfriends (“groupies”). And once in your presence (The First Element), it’s hard for them to distance themselves – as long as you continue to pay attention to each individual element. For example, diplomacy: When you excel in diplomacy (The Sixth Element), you learn to make others feel better about themselves, becoming a source of pleasure to them. In fact, they grow dependent on your manner (The Third Element) to feel good about themselves. You may call them friends, but psychologically they become your followers. Other people read this – and enigma kicks in and heightens the effect: these other people start to wonder subconsciously: There must be something exceptional (“cool” or “charming”) about you that’s making people want to be around you. . . What is it? Imaginations start to race.
Suddenly we’ve revealed the truth to you – charisma and manipulation are very similar. At the beginning of this article we gave you a dictionary definition for the word charisma:
Charisma (n): a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others
And now we’ll do the same for manipulation:
Manipulation (n): exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one’s own advantage If manipulation is a skill that is learned, then so is charisma. Con artists, it can be said, are the epitome of manipulation. When you think of a manipulator, you probably think of some slick- talking salesman or womanizer. You can see his act from a mile away. But a true con artist,
you can’t see his act – he’s so disguised in an aura of charisma, that even after you’ve been bilked of millions you have a hard time believing that this person, this business associate, this friend could have been responsible.
Manipulation could be considered the negatives of the power of charisma, and when you manipulate people, sooner or later there are always consequences. In the end, it is much better to focus on the positives of charisma.
Benjamin Franklin once said:
“If rascals knew the value of virtue, they would become virtuous out of sheer rascality.”
So how do you have virtue, and not fade into the background of “too nice”?… Maintain a powerful confidence, that is how. Your inner strength will shine through, and the people around you will seek comfort in your presence. You can be the mountain rising high from the jungles of mediocrity… people who are lost to low levels of self-esteem, which in the end fuels all the negatives of society – fears, perversions, jealousy, envy, anger, etc.
Charisma is enticing – you arise “hope” and “desire” in people. They see something about you, yet they have no idea what it is. What it is is an appeal to their ideals and yearnings: Delving into the subconscious, once again, most people have an inner desire to be appreciated, to be respected, to be liked by all. But most never have this desire quite fulfilled. In the end, they feel that you represent these things and that is the allure.
How long will it last? Practice enigma and they’ll never know otherwise. If a person becomes familiar with you, sees you doing day to day things just like everyone else, then you will lose the aura of charisma because you’ve lost the element of enigma, and with it the element of allure.
Charisma is a strategy; the only way to keep it about yourself is to keep a distance from others, never letting them in your presence long enough to realize that you’re just a well- dressed guy that knows how to use poise and confidence to interact with people – a predictable act. Keep the enigma about you and you retain the allure.
And these are the seven elements of charisma.
Charisma doesn’t happen overnight. It has to be developed. Your goal then is to focus on each individual element, like “Presence” and “Diplomacy”, PRACTICING these elements until you have all seven down. Then PRACTICE using all seven elements in ALL your social interactions. With practice, you WILL GET THEM DOWN TO A SCIENCE. Practice on your co-workers, on your friends, on the store clerk, on the bus driver…. on EVERYONE you come in contact with.
Eventually charisma will come naturally. Then, when you’re in contact with women, all your actions will make you seem to be a man of SUPERIOR CONFIDENCE because you’ll know exactly what you’re doing, and WHAT THE EFFECT WILL BE ON THE WOMEN AROUND YOU. You know how women respond to charisma. Of course not all women will respond positively… Remember, some may already be in long term relationships, or even be suddenly nervous because of your strong presence of charisma. Some people do not know how to react to it. Insecure people often suffer from jealousy, envy, sometimes hate. Recognize who these people are, and disarm them with diplomacy… BEFORE things get out of hand.
Confidence comes in knowing what women respond to. It is up to you then to perfect your skills in charisma with the people around you, before using them on women. Then practice on average-looking women, until you’ve got them charmed. Once you’ve got this test-group under your wing, start practicing your skills on the WOMEN YOU TRULY WANT.
Is six months of trial and error worth 60 years of success?
About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me