How to Get a Day Two (day 20)
We are at the 20th day of our 31 Days to Better Game series. Yesterday Roosh V, author of one my favorite new books Bang, wrote a great little lesson on having a successful first date.
A problem that I see many guys facing is that they are having trouble getting a second meeting with a girl. It seems no matter how much fun they seem to have with the girl the first night… the girl flakes out before the second meeting or date. I decided to write today’s lesson on breaking through that barrier and getting the second date.
How to Get a Day Two by Bobby Rio
A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so much that I wasn’t meeting any, it was that the ones I was meeting just weren’t up to my standards. These girls were falling for me quickly, and I would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I was really starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world, or that I just couldn’t attract the ones I wanted.
About that time I went on Match.com. A little while after going on the site I started an online flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would write me these long rambling emails at four in the morning (that were just the most amusing things to read)… and I soon found myself very attracted to. We made arrangements to meet.
When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online photos portrayed her to be. Within minutes of talking to her I was already feeling like this was going to be different. I was sensing a connection I didn’t feel with the other girls.
When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was flowing naturally, we were laughing a lot, doing shots together, teasing one another… it was genuinely the best date I had in months. Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together. Although I didn’t get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a bit, and the evening ended on a high note.
The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And although it had only been one day since I saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better judgment told me to wait a day or two before contacting her again… but I couldn’t help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the lines of “had a really great time last night. What day this week do you want to play tennis” (we had talked about playing tennis on the date)
She didn’t respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond, all she wrote was “I had a good time too. You are a really funny guy,” She never mentioned the tennis invite. The night I got her email I called her. She didn’t answer so I left a message. She never called me back. I waited a week then emailed her again “Guess we didn’t connect as much as I thought” or something AFC like that. She wrote back the next day saying “Sorry I’ve just been busy. You’re really nice… I’m just not sure what I’m looking for right now in terms of relationships.”
BAM it was over. The one girl I actually felt a connection with didn’t even have interest in a second date. I began really analyzing what went wrong… and it became painfully obvious why she had no desire to see me again.
Below I’m going to go over the mistakes I made on that meeting. My hope is that by reading through these mistakes I made you might be able to notice a thing or two that you’re doing that might be preventing you from getting a second date.
Mistakes that will Prevent Day Two
Too quickly deciding that you liked her. The previous girls that I was dating I was always the one doing the judging. I would sit back and let them prove their worth to me. This put me in the position to be the prize.
With the FIlipino girl, I decided too soon that I liked her. Once I decided that I liked her I started working too hard to impress her. I was way too attached to the outcome of the date. Girls can sense when you’re investing more than they are, and it will immediately lower your value and put her in the position of being the prize.
Resorting to Nice Guy Lines. I really believed that I had experienced a connection with the Filipino girl. I truly believed she was feeling the same way. Because I felt there was this “connection” there, I let my guard down. Normally I would never show my hand on a date… I would always keep the girl guessing what was going through my mind.
The mistake I made on this date was that I gave too much away. I was complimenting her way too much. I kept telling her how fun she was. I remember at one point I was smiling, and she asked “what?” and I said “You’re just really cute.” AGHHH
I kept bringing up plans for a second date. We hadn’t even finished our first date and I was already asking her to play tennis together, to go see a movie she mentioned.
Because I felt so comfortable with her I felt at ease to tell her about my recent trouble finding a girl I really liked. I dropped all “player” mode and started to open up with her way to soon.
Not Escalating Kino. Although we were having a good time together, I was in “nice guy mode”, and was scared to ruin the evening my “moving to fast.” I would very rarely make any physical contact, and when I did I would quickly pull away as to not scare her.
Normally, even on dates with girls I didn’t like, I would be advancing towards sex after an hour into the date. Here I was 2 hours into a great date and I was scared to leave my hand on her waist for more than a second.
Let her Call the Shots. Once we got to the bar, she quickly took the role of leader. She was the one suggesting what to drink. When the bar got crowded, she was the one who suggested that we move to a table in the back, when the DJ played a song she liked, she was the one who suggested we go on the dance floor.
It was like I was so scared of making a wrong move that I gave all power to her. I even broke one of my cardinal date rules; Always be the one who ends it. About midnight she is the one to say “its getting late we should get going.”
Trying to Plan the Next Meeting Before the Date Ended. In Bang, Roosh says “always say ‘see you soon’ when you end a date.” That was something that I always naturally did before her, and have always naturally did since her. But that particular night I felt compelled to try to make plans to immediately see her again.
By making immediate plans you don’t give the girl the joy of wondering when she’s going to hear from you again. Remember, a large part of attraction occurs when the girl is away from you and thinking about you. The less sure she is in her status with you, the more time she is going to spend thinking about you.
Contacting her too Soon After Day One. I used the fact that we had such a good time as a reason to call the next day. The fact that we had such a good time should have been used as a reason to wait a few days to call. If she really had a good time she would be going crazy waiting for my call. The whole time she’s waiting for my call my value is increasing in her mind by leaps and bounds.
I threw it all away by contacting her the next night. The minute I contacted her, her brain went “OK I have this guy… now let me decide if I want him.’
When you don’t call, her brain is going “Does he want me?” That is what you want her brain thinking.
Acting Needy When She Wasn’t Responding Quick Enough. As many mistakes as I made on the date itself, I still believe I could have savaged it if I was able to stay cool during our contacts post date. Unfortunately I wasn’t. Whenever she delayed contacted me, I got needy and contacted her right away.
And when I sensed she was blowing me off… I did the worst possible thing my sending her a message stating my feelings and trying to guilt her into seeing me again.
So how do you get a day two?
If you want to know how to get a day two… the answer is to not make these mistakes on day one. Roosh gave you a perfect strategy for day one. If you follow his strategy and avoid the mistakes listed in this lesson than you should be having no trouble getting second dates.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.