Body Language 202 (day 24)
We are at day 24 of our 31 Days to Better Game series. Today’s post is a part 2 to the Body Language 101 lesson which given a few weeks ago.
Body language is such an important part of pickup that I thought it warranted to posts. The main reason I felt it needed reinforcement is because its something that you do unconsciously most of the time. This means you need to constantly be reminded and aware of what you’re doing before you can see noticeable change.
Today’s lesson comes from top Mehow instructor Dr. Fuji. He goes over some of what we learned in the first lesson on body language, and then offers some new insights and approaches.
Body Language 202 by Dr. Fuji
Body language is one of the most underrated, overlooked, and powerful elements in your social arsenal. The classic study on the elements of communication by Professor Albert Mehrabian (1971, Silent Messages Wadsworth, Belmont, California) found that nonverbal communication accounts for as much as 93% of all communication. Body language itself makes up more than half of that. So it should come as no surprise that what you say isnt near as important as how and when you say it. In cold approach pick up, the individual who uses body language effectively often has significantly better results than his less-enlightened counterparts. In this article well be delving into the use of body language to convey high value, how to show interest or disinterest non-verbally, and fixing common sticking points and pitfalls.
An interesting thing about body language is that it tends to override your verbals. In other words, people will believe your nonverbal communication more than even what you actually say. So if your verbals sub communicate high value but your non-verbals say the opposite, people will tend to trust the body language over the words. While seemingly counter-intuitive, the fact is most people tend to place more trust in forms of communication that are harder to consciously alter. We can lie with our words quite easily. Lying with our body language is much more difficult. Because your body language is so incredibly consistent, women especially have found that its generally a very effective way to evaluate others. And therein lies both the problem and the effectiveness of body language. Its very difficult to change, but when you are successful, it conveys much more influence than other forms of communication.
One of the most effective uses for body language is communicating value. We do this by consciously altering our behaviors and mannerisms from unattractive to attractive. Imagine two men, both of equal confidence, looks, attractiveness, and other factors. But one man makes eye contact when he speaks and the other looks away and fails to make eye contact. Who is more attractive? The objective is to sub-communicate through our body language that we are high-value (read: attractive) men. By high-value, we mean that we have high quantities of the social and evolutionary value to which people respond. A high-value man is one who encompasses all of the qualities and mannerisms that women are hard-wired to find attractive. Think: confidence, leadership ability, power, attractiveness to other women, strength, internally validated, etc.
There are three main body positions in most social situations which you can use to convey value: How you stand, how you walk/move, and how you sit. Although full body language overhauls are beyond the scope of this article, the fundamentals are quite simple.
When youre standing, you want to stand with your feet shoulder-width apart or slightly wider, shoulders pulled back, standing up straight, and chest somewhat out. Your weight should generally be towards the rear of your soles (closer to the heel) so that you always appear to be leaning back. It should not be an uncomfortable stance, but one which clearly does not lend itself to laziness. Picture the way a U.S. Marine would stand when at ease. Your stance should project confidence. Your hands should drape at your sides the way they naturally fall. Do not put your hands in your pockets or cross them over your chest.
When you walk or move, the object is to convey dominance and purpose. Your hands should swing naturally at your sides while you walk but without looking either stiff or floppy. Practice this in the mirror if you suspect they are moving unnaturally. Walk at about 50% of your normal speed when in the venue. When you are moving towards something (a set, an exit, the bathrooms, etc), take the shortest route possible”usually a straight line. Instead of circling a set several times like a vulture, walk straight up with confidence. Similarly, when moving through the crowd, you want to project dominance. Oftentimes women notice you and the way you move or interact with people and they make judgments about you before youve even noticed them. Dominance is tough to put in text but its something we drill in our live boot camps. The objective is to be verbally polite while guiding people out of your way. Dont be afraid to touch both men and women while youre walking through a crowd. A hand gently on the triceps or back letting people know youre coming through is a dominant, yet polite way of moving through the crowd and communicating that you expect people to move out of your way.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.