Advanced Pickup Techniques: Transitioning Into Attraction
Let me tell you a secret. Unless you look like Brad Pitt you’re not going to create attraction with an opener. So give up the search for the perfect opener. It doesn’t exist. I repeat, no matter how functional an opener proves to be… it will seldom create any sort of meaningful attraction.
Last week I watched a friend open two attractive women with the “Do drunk I love yous count?” opener. The girls, who were waiting by the pool table for their turn to play, jumped all over the opener. They were eager to share their opinions on the question… and even offered some personal anecdotes that brought the conversation into a sexual realm.
I was standing about five feet away with my girl watching the whole thing go down. At one point he mouthed “thank you” to me for providing him with the opener.
But a strange thing happened within five minutes of his conversation with the two girls. The “drunk I love you” conversation had run its course, and I saw my friend visually struggling to keep the girls interested. He kept returning to the opener, and it was obvious that he was beating a dead horse.
If you watched any of the recent episodes of The Pickup Artist on Vh1 then you’ve witnessed the same scene go down. Guy spends way too much time on opener, and has no clue has to smoothly change threads.
What my friend, the contestants on the Pickup Artist, and hundreds of other guys need to understand is that the opener is designed to break the ice with women. It is not meant to create attraction. When you understand this fact, two important realizations take place:
The first point is self explanatory. You can open with “hi” and get the same results if you’re skilled at transitioning from “hi” to your intended direction.
The 2nd point needs some explaining. It is well discussed on this site how setting goals is essential in achieving success. I’ve even repeated the phrase “vague goals get vague results.” Well, you need to think in the same terms in regards to pickup. When you begin a conversation you need to have an intended direction you plan on moving the conversation towards. (I call it “conversation escalation“)
If you don’t have a direction, either two things will happen.
This is why many models of attractions contain the use of routines, because by have canned routines ready to stack, you’re quickly and smoothly able to move from opener, to attraction, to comfort, to seduction. You are basically using a road map that someone else already test drove.
But this post is not about using routines. If you want to learn routines, learn them from the masters. This post is about transitioning. Because even with routines, you still need to know how to naturally transition a conversation along your intended path.
How do you transition?
For example, the other day when my friend opened with the “drunk i love you” opener the girls took off with it. They started telling stories about weird guys who said “I love you” on a first date. They talked about college, about “how when you’re drunk you subconsciously say things you mean.” These girls gave my friend so much material to work with and all he kept coming back to was his imaginary story he made up for the opener.
This is because my friend, just out of a long term relationship, had no clue where he wanted to go with the conversation.
A good test to see how good you are with transitioning is to ask yourself right now, before you keep reading, where you would have ideally liked to take the conversation. Think about it for a minute.
You’ve opened, and now you need to create attraction.
All you need from the girl is one hook. One statement, word, or even a gesture, that you can spin into an attraction trigger. When you hear the “hook” come out of her mouth, jump on it. Because she’ll keep talking about whatever she damn well pleases if you don’t jump in and take control.
In the above example, at some point one of the girls said, “I once had a guy say I love you on the first date.”
At that point, my friend could have jumped in with, “you think you had a weird first date… I was out with this girl I met on a trip to Spain… and with the language barrier I thought she said…. ”
At that point, what he needed was a story of his own to get the focus off of the opener and on to himself.You have the stories to tell… if you find you have trouble coming up with them quickly, then spend time writing down all of the most memorable stories from your past. Put them on paper, and then practice telling them. Fudge details if you have too. No ones counting 🙂 If you’ve got absolutely nothing interesting to state from your own life, then use routines until you’re life gets more interesting.
Attraction is created through story telling, teasing, flirting, and push/pull. (This Triangle of Temptation)
You need to have these goals in mind when you open a set. You need to be consciously looking for opportunities to make use of any of these attraction triggers.
If the girls are sending off a fun adventurous vibe, it is usually easier to start teasing them. If the vibe you’re getting isn’t conducive to begin teasing… then tell a story that gets them in a more fun and adventurous mood. You don’t need to be continually entertaining them… you just need to get them in a fun state, it will make everything else so much easier.
The one thing I want you to get out of this article is to have an end result in mind, with a clear idea of how you are going to get there. Whether that end result is a phone number, a hookup, or a 10 minute lay, at some point you’re going to need to create attraction to successfully get there.
That is one thing I learned watching the PUAs in action at the Super Conference last weekend… they leave nothing up to chance. They have a plan, and they stick to the plan. Even when you watch a player in action you can clearly see that he knows exactly where he is going with the conversation.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.