How to Get an Ex Back

A Broken Heart Ain’t Easy

Healing.I have not hidden the fact that I have had my heart ripped apart on a couple occasions over the years. Considering all of the girls I’ve been with, the ratio is still vastly in my favor… but the fact is, I hate losing.

Years ago there was Beth, who left me a battered man. I was about to move in with her. I had a cruise planned. I thought I would marry her. She had other plans.

Years later, after being hardened through a barrage of one night stands, foreign romances, and random flings… I truly thought I was incapable of loving ever again.

Well, if you read The Anatomy of the Sickness, you know I was wrong, and that love once again crushed old Bobby’s spirits.

What I often ask myself is, knowing what I know now, would I have done what it takes to get them back?

At the time, when I wanted them back so badly, I did nearly everything wrong. And those mistakes led me to be the man I am today. I really don’t believe I would be any happier right now with either of the two girls still in my life.

…But if you want to open Pandora’s box

Although I always advise guys with a broken heart to “move on to something better,” I also understand the sheer difficulty of doing just that.

As I wrote about in The Anatomy of the Sickness, and then explained further in a podcast on the subject, chances are you are doing everything entirely wrong in regards to winning your ex back over.

When I think of the commonalities between the two times I lost the girl, I see a repetition in my behavior:

  • I sent flowers
  • I called repeatedly
  • I professed my loved repeatedly
  • I vowed to change
  • I made myself completely available to them for rekindling the relationship

It all felt so right at the time, but it was all so completely wrong.

Recently I came across this book Magic of Making Up and my initial impression was to dismiss it as another feminine approach to working things out.

Then I read the entire letter and a flood of emotions came over me, remembering just how cool and icy theRob and Anna love of my life’s became as I tried to win them back “the wrong way.” It seemed the harder I tried, the more distant and unemotional they became, almost like I was making it easier for them.

Breaking up is never easy, but some times it is unavoidable. But for those girls that you truly believe are the one, I would recommend shelling out the $39 on a book like this. Hell, during my two breakups I would spend more on booze trying to forget about the girl.

3 Quick Tips for Getting an Ex Back
  1. Space: The more space you give her, the less you email, call, or stop over, the more you will be allowing her to miss you. You will also give much needed time for some of the negative emotions you are both feeling to cool off. Yes, giving her space may seem like you are risking losing her. But at this point you’ve lost her… now you have to wait for her to come back. Remember the advice given to Mikey in Swingers, “There is nothing you can do to make her want to come back… there are only things you can do to make her not want to come back.”
  2. Do not be afraid to walk away. You must take every last bit of manhood you still possess, and power up the strength to walk away if need be. If the girl is certain that you will always be waiting for her, it will take her twice as long to make up her mind. The minute she feels a sense of urgency in her decision, the more likely she will be to give you a second go around.
  3. Actions speak louder than words. And no this is not advice to buy her flowers or write her a poem. I consider those words. And meaningless. If you want to win her back, you have to go back to the fundamentals. You have to be the guy who attracted her in the first place. You need to be charming, confident, alpha, and funny. Not the needy, pining guy, crying for her to come back.

These are just a few tips for you. If you are serious about getting an ex back ( and be honest with yourself as to whether or not it is really for the best) I would recommend picking up a copy of the book Magic of Making Up.

I thought I knew a lot from everything I learned through my two disastrous experiences, but this book has some original ideas that I truly believe will help you win your ex back.

Do I wish I had read a book like this back when Beth left me?

It would have saved me a lot of temporary pain… but in the long run, no, I’m glad I learned through my mistakes.

If you think that losing this person might be a bigger mistake then keeping her, buy the book.

If not, there are plenty, and I mean plenty, of eager, attractive, sexy, and cool chicks out there waiting for a guy like you to seduce them.

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.