The Art of Romance, Part Three
Obviously, most people like it when you do shit for them. I like my feet rubbed after a long day. But me asking to be pampered isn’t a romantic gesture on my part. Me offering to pamper a woman is. It needs to be clear that you enjoy taking care of her, that attending to her desires means a lot to you. Going along with it grudgingly is unromantic.
Dedicate yourself to things that make her feel good, and personalize this. Offer foot rubs, make dinner, all that stuff. Whatever it is she appreciates. Don’t do it with any expected reciprocation in mind. Do it simply because you like making her feel good. And as usual, keep in mind the element of surprise, which will amplify the romance of these moments.
Compromise and Sacrifice
Girls appreciate when you sacrifice your time and energy for them. Don’t do it all the time, but when the mood strikes you and when it doesn’t impinge on your mission or beliefs. Seeing some awful chick flick that she’s dying to watch – that is a romantic gesture. Be there for her, do nice things for her, but don’t overdo it. Don’t be a guy who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, or inconvenience himself tremendously, for her every whim. Once in a while this can be romantic, but if done too often you’ll look weak.
Have a life and a mission. If what she desires compromises your mission, sometimes you must say no. Do this from a place of love. That’s where displaying your power as a man will come in. Being powerful means holding your ground, sticking to what you believe in, while still projecting love for her. Be cautious not to turn down her request from a place of anger.
On the flip side, when you do make sacrifice, say yes to her without resentment. Surrender yourself to the sacrifice once you decide to make it, and don’t hold any dissatisfaction towards her. That will kill the romance of your sacrifice.
A subset of sacrifice is chivalry, being of service to women. Chivalry may sound old-fashioned or antiquated, but girls find it super attractive. What does it mean to be chivalrous? Strictly speaking, the word comes from chevalier, French for one who rides a horse. This implies a knight, who is thought of as chivalrous.
Chivalry is a component of courtly love, which includes being appreciative of women, providing rescue and defense. In fact, knights were attentive even when there was nobody around to recognize it, since an end goal of these behaviors was spiritual salvation. The qualities idealized by knighthood include bravery, courtesy, honor and gallantry toward women. According to a modern chivalry movement, Chivalry-Now, chivalry encompasses many higher ideals: honesty, loyalty, courtesy, justice and commitment. As stated on their website:
The virtues of chivalry offer more than pleasantries and politeness. They give purpose and meaning to male strength, and therefore support the overall workings of society.
Some examples of being at a woman’s service:
Getting up on the bus and offering your seat to her
Holding a door open for her
Pulling her seat out at the dinner table
Rescuing her, such as when you show up at her work and kidnap her for the day
About Dr. Evan Marlowe Evan Marlow is the dean and founder of Man School. You can visit at Manschool.cc