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Being the Gatekeeper

How To Keep Yourself High In Demand

After settling into your dorms you’ll soon find out that freshmen need certain things to enable their college experience. By being the gatekeeper to one of these things you can always be at the center of the action.

Just make sure to move quick, because in to time at all, you’ll miss your opportunity to be the man.

That picture was taken a couple years ago.

Ever since Mothers Against Drunk Driving got together to unreasonably raise the drinking age from 18 to 21, college students have been hurting for alcohol. Sure you can go to a party to get your fix, but there will be times when nothing else is going on and you still want to get a little loose.

As long as you're not McLovin

As long as you're not McLovin

If you have an older brother or cousin who is of the age and grandma always confuses the two of you at family functions, hit him up for his driver’s license. If you hail from anywhere on the Asian continent, almost any I.D. that even mildly resembles you will work (sad, but true). With that I.D. in hand, use it at liquor stores that are less stringent with their standards. You can find out this information by asking upperclassmen.

There is also another option. That would be befriending an upperclassman. The problem is you depend on when they’re available and you need to give a little tip on top of the total cost of what you’re buying.

Psssh, can I get a 20 sack?

Coming a close second behind alcohol, the number two staple that college students demand the most and yet are supplied the least of is marijuana. Now I’m not going to encourage you to become a dealer, but instead, find out who deals.

(Quick aside: Every male college student who smokes weed on a semi-regular basis has an epiphany during his time in school of becoming a pot dealer. Before you do anything too hasty, slow down and ask yourself if this is really what you want to do. The marijuana market has low profit margins and often over-saturated with dealers. Only the people who have a vast social network are the ones who succeed. You will also have a similar vision five to eight years from now, but that one will concern opening your own bar.)

Go to a fraternity house and as long as it’s not one of those religious ones, chances are that a brother in the house is slinging. All you have to do is ask anyone who is affiliated with the house, “Do you know where I can buy pot,” and just like that you’re in.

As I’ve found in my experiences, getting a hold of marijuana is a lot easier to do than alcohol, you just have to ask the right person.

If you go to school in California, it probably would be a good investment to get a medicinal card. They are absurdly easy to get nowadays.

Where’s the party at?

What school you go to goes a long way towards how open parties are.

I went to Stanford for a night and I found out that most fraternity parties are completely open. All you need to do is show a student I.D. and you can get in. The best part about it was that if you went to a different school, you could show your I.D. and they’d let you in with a Stanford student. At other schools, like the one I went to, U.C. Berkeley, you usually need to know someone at the door to get in (there’s a way around this which I’ll discuss in a second).

So the best way to go about getting in is to befriend members of organizations who throw parties. In your dorm there will be a couple guys who decide to pledge a house right away and a couple guys who decide to go out for some off-the-wall club (that was the ski & snowboard club at my school).

Get close with these guys in your first semester and they’ll be inviting you out to their parties for the next four years.

Are there any girls coming out with us?

Girls at party

Girls at party

You would be very wise to befriend a group of outgoing females early-on in the semester for a couple reasons. Gaining entrance to parties becomes a lot easier when you have girls with you; most fraternities don’t even question you if you’re rolling through with girls. It’s like getting the V.I.P. treatment at a club. Fraternities want the maximum number of girls at their party so they can maximize the chances of individual members getting laid (and you thought math was useless).

The other reason is that you can motivate a group of your friends to do something if you say that girl x, y and z are also coming along. It’s kind of pathetic, but it works.

Getting girls to come hang out with you in throngs connects to the earlier section on alcohol. If there is bottle of Smirnoff lying around on a table, they’ll decimate it like locusts destroyed the Egyptians’ crops back in the time of Moses. If you buy it, they will come.

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About Mustafa Shaikh Mustafa Shaikh is an aspiring writer living in Berkeley, CA. Not willing to give up his college days just yet, he lives only a few blocks away from his beloved campus. He hopes to write a best-seller within the next couple of years and live off the royalties of it for as long as possible.


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