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Can I Borrow The Room For The Night?

How To Get Rid Of The Roommate The Right Way

One of the best learning experiences provided by college is having to split a bedroom with someone who is not your brother. Living in such close confines can lead to numerous flare-ups over a host of issues.

Time and time again, the number one problem that leads to roommates having irreconcilable differences is the good ole’ sexile. For those new to the term, it’s when someone is bringing a girl back to do the deed and would like the room. (Sex + exile = sexile. Ahh, now it makes sense.)

Sexiling is a very delicate issue. There are many ways that it can go wrong. And when it does go wrong, it can create problems that lead to awkward silences that can last weeks.

Advanced Notice Required

Say you go out to a bar and through a series of events leave with a girl draped over your arm. Do not under any circumstances show up and attempt to kick your roommate out.

Instead make sure to give some advance warning. A simple text message or a quick phone call will suffice.

Worse comes to worst your roommate is already settled in bed and you prevent an awkward situation from happening.

Time’s Up

Roommate walking in

Roommate walking in

Sexiling your roommate does not give you an unlimited time span to do the nasty. Maybe on the rare occasion you can ask to have the room for the night, but usually that’s a bad idea.

Instead hold down the fort for an set amount of time like an hour or so. And when you say an hour, stick to an hour. If you want to cuddle for hours and hours on end, then be my guest and get a single.

It sucks having to wait outside your own room when all you want to do is go to sleep. That’s the precise reason why I lost a lot of respect for one of my former roommates.

He would tell me he’d be done at 2:00, and I’d be waiting in the hallway until 2:30. Not chill at all.

Your Girlfriend Ain’t My Friend.

When one roommate has a girlfriend, things are already going downhill. The incidents of sexile are going to be much much higher.

If you’re the one with the girlfriend, make sure that sexiling isn’t becoming a nightly occurrence.

I know, I know. You’re in college. You’re horny. You want to bone down as much as possible.

That’s fine, but pick and choose the time, you don’t always need to do it at night. Find out your roommate’s class schedule and when he’s in Bio lab, go to work.

And if you’re the one without the girlfriend, don’t be afraid to put your foot down. If you think your roommate is being unreasonable, then tell him so.

The earlier you say something, the easier it is to stop the problem from snowballing into something much larger.

Umm, I Think He’s Sleeping.

Say your roommate is already asleep and you’re with your girlfriend. You and your girlfriend quietly change clothes and get into bed.

Soon enough you’re feeling on each other and getting all types of grabby. You’re both horny and are about to do it, but wait your roommate is sleeping on the bunk below you.

I can’t fault you too much for doing this—I’m guilty for having sex while my roommate was in the room.

It’s hard to prevent to be perfectly honest with you. On the surface it seems pretty easy to resist sexual temptations, but in the heat of things it’s a different story.

Just be wary that in the event your roommate wakes up in the midst of your sexcapades, pray that he has a good sense of humor. If he doesn’t, you’re in for a long semester.

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About Mustafa Shaikh Mustafa Shaikh is an aspiring writer living in Berkeley, CA. Not willing to give up his college days just yet, he lives only a few blocks away from his beloved campus. He hopes to write a best-seller within the next couple of years and live off the royalties of it for as long as possible.

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