Breaking Down Swagger
I used to have terrible body language. I remember how I’d tense my shoulders, huddle my arms into a ball, or avoid direct eye contact with anyone and everyone. Later, when I discovered all this dating advice stuff, I read up on proper body language and meticulously followed the advice.
Shoulder’s back, head up as if being held by a string, arms leisurely at one’s side. While actively thinking and correcting my body language helped me a bit, I never had swag until the “inner game” of swagger clicked for me.
Now I’ve written articles on swagger in the past, and I still stand by everything I previously wrote, but I want to update my thoughts on this elusively awesome trait. As I believe my swagger has increase over the last few years, my thoughts on swagger have also increased…so here we go.
Once you’re “in the game” for a few years, you begin to realize that consciously trying to tweak your body language is a losing strategy. Body language, and how you carry yourself, is dictated mostly by your mindset. The way your body “talks” is really just manifestation of how your mind thinks.
When you walk around, what thoughts are going through your head? If you’ve ever “people watched” in a crowded place, you know most people are walking around angry, nervous, sad, confused, dazed, etc. Rarely do you see someone strutting a self-assured gait. That’s because most people don’t remind themselves of these internal truths:
• I’m in control of my life
• I dictate my destiny
• I’ve decided to be happy and confident
• I know what I’m doing
• It’s no big deal
These are just a few of the many positive maxims you can remind yourself of as you go about your day. Whenever you catch yourself falling victim to the thinking like the masses, such as, “Is this okay?” “What are other people going to think?” “I’m so rushed! I can’t ever seem to get anything done!” step back, take a deep breath, and get your swagger-talk back!
If the thoughts swirling in your head are all reminding you how chill and “in-control” you are of your life, then there’s no rush! There’s absolutely no reason to flit about, darting off place-to-place like the Mad Hatter. In fact, things should appear to you as if they were coming at you in bullet-time. That leaves you plenty of time to assess a situation, react, and remain cool.
I know myself, whenever I feel myself losing some of my swag, it’s because I’m rushing to do something, rushing to answer someone, rushing through my life. There’s no need! If I listen to my positive self-talk, I know that I’m needlessly marching to someone else’s beat.
So much swagger is sacrificed trying to live up to other people’s expectations. That’s what keeps us running, rushing, and ruins our winning self-talk. If we’re wondering, “What will this person think?” we’re not really living our own life, and so we have no swagger.
That brings us to my ultimate definition of swagger: walking around like a man who owns his own life. Men who have swag are men who are in complete control of everything that happens to them.
Sure, it helps if you’re self-employed, able to meet and attract women at will, and feel a sense of personal independence. But even if you’re not at that level yet, you can start gaining swag by thinking that way.
Living your life by your own standards and not giving a fuck what other people think about you is the ultimate way to get swagger. So the next time you want to do something, but you hear that internal voice nagging you to consider how it will affect other people’s perception of you, remind yourself: swagger is only attained by those who live by their own values.
So…just do it!
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob Judge Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in Scottsdate. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness. Get Coaching with Rob: https://www.tsbmag.com/private-coaching-with-rob-judge/