REVERSE Engineering Love (How to Make a Girl REALLY Like You)
In this latest video Rob and I “reverse engineer” the process of falling in love. When you look at the process from this stand point you begin to recognize how you can make a girl fall in love with you. And you also realize that getting a girl to become infatuated with you is actually a lot different then most guys think.
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Bobby: Hey, guys. I’m Bobby Rio. This is Rob Judge. We’ve got a pretty important video for you today, because we want to get to the heart of the matter. Both of us have been coaching dating and attraction advice for about seven, eight years now. One of the things that we always get from guys is “How do I make a girl really like me? How do I get her to fall in love with me?”
What I want to challenge you to do right now as you’re watching this is I want you and us together to reverse engineer this idea of getting someone to fall in love with you, because I think by doing that, you’re going to get to see how it actually happens. When you know how it happens, it’s a lot easier to know what you need to do, what steps you need to take on the other person.
What I want you to think about right now is the last time that you really fell for a girl, when you started to get obsessed with her; when you started knowing, “Oh, shit! I think I’m in love with this girl. I have feelings for her.” What is it? What was the sign? When did you know? The sign that ninety percent of guys and ninety-five percent of women first realize that they’re in love with someone is when they can’t stop thinking about them; when they find themselves talking about them to their friends.
Rob: Yeah. That’s the thing. Bobby and I coach a lot of guys. A lot of these guys, when they come into these coaching calls, they come into a coaching [session 00:01:35], or even if they come on a live program, a lot of the times they’re there because they’re motivated by one girl, by one girl they can’t get out of their mind. If you think about how much effort and how much just time and energy they’re putting into that one girl, and they’re coming to us to get coaching on that … Again, I totally sympathize with those guys, because I was there too.
I think love is a strong word. I mean, again, we can define it however we want, but so much of this is just infatuation where you just want to know, where you’re just thinking about her all the time. You just find yourself constantly just … the thought of her … You can’t go on with your day unless you’re thinking about her. Every moment you’re checking your phone; you’re slipping her name into the conversation, even talking to people who didn’t even … I remember one time when I was totally infatuated with a girl. I was crossing First Avenue next to some old lady, and somehow I was ending up in a conversation talking about the girl I was infatuated with. It’s amazing how their name and just the thought of them just slips in and permeates your entire life.
Bobby: Yeah. What it is is the first ingredient of love … This is very important to understand … is to create this psychic tension in the other person’s mind. What I mean by psychic tension is it’s a tension, so much that the only way to relieve it is to want to see the person, because you’re thinking about them; you’re talking about them; you’re playing conversations in your mind; you’re analyzing them; you’re possibly on Google going, “What did it mean when she …?” or you’re on a dating forum going, “She sent me this text. What do you think it means?” That is psychic tension, and that’s the first ingredient in love.
Here’s the kicker. Here’s the kick in the balls. The kick in the balls is that most guys do everything to relieve that tension as quickly as possible in her mind, because as a guy, our natural philosophy is, “I need to let her know. I need to give her certainty. She needs to know how I feel. She needs to know that this is real.” We do things like being super-available, for instance. If she asks us to hang out, we’re afraid to say, “No, I can’t hang out this weekend,” because it’s going to put doubt in her mind. Right? We’re afraid that if we don’t text her back right away it’s going to put doubt in her mind. If she says something we disagree with, we’re afraid to go, “That’s not true,” because it’ll put doubt in her mind.
Here’s the kicker. That doubt is what she needs, because that doubt gives her things to think about. This is a writer-downer. If you can get a girl thinking about you when you are not around, you can make her fall in love with you.
Rob: Again, it’s just such wise words have never been spoken. For modern day, that’s the thing. So much of love and infatuation and attraction happens when you’re not even there. It’s herself projecting an image. Again, I challenge you. Think about a girl that maybe you met her; you were just so-so on her. Then suddenly she did something, or there was some kind of uncertainty, or there was something you wanted to know more about her, and suddenly you could not stop thinking about this girl.
I know myself there have been girls that way. I first went on a couple dates with them. I’ll say, “Yeah. She’s cool,” and “She’s all right.” Then suddenly, because maybe she pulls back … Again, of course, clients have had a girl do this to them, where suddenly they just encapsulate every thought in your mind. You just cannot stop thinking about them. The amount of mental space they occupy is just so astronomical, you can’t help but fall in love with them.
Bobby: Yeah. It’s like you talk yourself into it. Most people think love is this cause and effect thing, like “I’m going to take her out to a really nice dinner, and it’s going to convince her that I love her.” Right? “She’s going to fall in love with me, because we’re going to be together. It’s going to be this romantic encounter.” Where love occurs is when she’s not with you, when she’s at home replaying events. Right?
The problem, like I said, is that most nice guys don’t give her anything to replay. They give her the certainty. So she goes home. Right? Now her attention … She’s got nothing to think. She had a really good date. Then some other guy comes along, and he’s a mystery; he’s a challenge. Now her attention goes to him, and you’ve got none of her attention.
You’ve probably been there. Have you ever gone on a date, and it was the most amazing date in the world? You go, “We connected, and this, and that, and I just know she’s the one. She has to feel the same way, because she was laughing at all my jokes, and we were making plans to hang out in the future.” Then you text her, and a day goes by; two days go by. That moment hits you in the stomach where you’re like, “What the hell? She’s not responding. What went wrong?” Right? I can tell you what went wrong. It’s that she had nothing to think about.
Before we filmed this video, we were talking and it’s like the ending to the movie was already revealed. She knew the ending to the movie. She knew what was going to happen next. When a girl knows what happens next, she’s got no motivation to continue watching the movie.
Rob: I have to interrupt you for a moment, because I have to tell a quick story. When I was going out with a new girl in Manhattan, just doing this casual dating, it was crazy. I had a lot of dates that I felt went perfectly. When I went home, I was “[inaudible 00:06:55] in the bag. This girl really seems to like me.” We had a great time. When I would do a text, it was like crickets. I was like, “What?” I was like, “We had so much fun. You were laughing, and everything was great. You told me that you would text me back and nothing … just crickets.”
Then I remember there was a date one time. I went out with this girl who I was actually really interested in, but I made a lot of what I thought were mistakes. By mistake, I mean she would say something and I would disagree with her a little bit. I’d challenge her. I don’t know. I was in a little bit of a testy mood. I did a couple of little things accidentally, and when I went home, I wasn’t totally confident that that was the best date I’d ever been on. Then weirdly, this girl couldn’t stop texting me. She was chasing me. Again, this was a very attractive girl I really liked. It actually worked to my advantage.
That’s when I realized, “Maybe being the super-perfect gentleman, nice guy, who’s just agreeing with everything she said and trying to make her have the best time ever and show her exactly who I am … Maybe that’s not the best strategy. Maybe it’s better to play my cards a little bit closer to the chest. Maybe it’s a little bit smarter to not reveal everything about myself, make her guess a little bit, put her through … spoiler alert …
Bobby: The Scrambler.
Rob: Yeah, the Scrambler.
Bobby: You may or may not have heard Rob or I talk about the Scrambler. To give you a little background on it, because if you’ve watched our videos, you know we’ve talked about it … How it formulated was, a few years back Rob and I both were at a breaking point. We were like, “Something here …” We’re both really good at teaching guys. In fact, they come to us; they pay Rob obscene amounts of money to go out on a weekend with them. He gets these guys talking to girls. He has students bringing girls home the same night, girls “way out of their league.”
Yet the thing that his students struggled with and the things that I noticed when talking to my students as I got them better at flirting with conversation with women … When they met that one girl they really wanted, shit just hit the fan. It just didn’t work out. What the two of us did is we sat there and we reverse-engineered everything, starting at that point of, “Okay. We both know at this point that love comes when you’re thinking about somebody when they’re not around. Right?” So what can you do to get her thinking about you constantly when you’re not around? That’s the end game. The end game is not, “I’m going to show her how much I like her.” It’s “I’m going to do everything I can that leaves little breadcrumbs that, when she’s home, lead back to me. Every thought leads back to me.
What we discovered was that there was a handful of weapons. These weapons, they’re like little time bombs that you plant when you’re with her. Now you’re giving her things. It’s a strategy. Some people say, “You’re manipulating,” or “You’re being too calculating.” My thing is that if you go and you say, “I’m going to buy a girl flowers,” you’re calculating. You’re thinking, “I’m buying her flowers because I want a certain result.”
Problem is, when you buy a girl flowers, you’re not going to ever get that result that you want. When you do the things that we teach in the video below and in the Scrambler, you’re doing the same thing. You’re being just as calculated as buying her flowers or taking her out to a fancy dinner, except what you’re doing actually gets you the results you want. When she’s home, and when she’s with her friends, and when she’s at work, her mind is going to be like a magnet and it’s going to be continually drawn to you.
So I suggest that you check out the video below. We go into a little bit more detail. We talk about some of these weapons, the four horsemen of the chase. That is the ultimate secret to getting a girl to fall in love with you. Write it down. If you can make a girl think about you when you’re not around, you can make her fall in love with you. Then watch the video.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.