3 Tactics to Create “The Vibe” with A Girl
Having an enjoyable conversation with a girl is the first step towards getting to exactly where you want to go with her. Why does it seem so effortless for some guys and so difficult for you?
You know what I mean? Some guys seem to have her laughing and paying attention to them without any effort at all.
I’ve been there before. Sometimes it seemed to me like other guys had some sort of secret method for getting girls to enjoy a conversation with them, and I was totally clueless about what this “secret” was.
Once, in college, I spent nearly a month trying to flirt with a perfectly curvy blond who waited tables at a popular lunch place on campus. I’d leave her big tips, smile every time she came to the table, and always ask her how her day was. It took me two weeks to get her name, Juliette. When she remembered my name after about a month, I took it as a sign that I should ask for her phone number. After two more lunches, I still hadn’t asked her. Then this guy came in and sat in the booth right behind me.
He had Juliette laughing while she took his order. He was blatantly flirting with her when she brought him his food. I thought she’d ignore him, but she didn’t. In fact, after she had served all her tables, she went back and actually sat down in the booth with this guy. By the time I was done eating, this guy had a plan to pick her up after her shift. He even asked her for a kiss on the cheek when he left. And she gave it to him.
Of course, my confidence was shattered and I felt like crap after that day at lunch. But after a few more days, I thought back to what I heard that guy say. I totally deconstructed it. And I tried to repeat his “method” over the next year at school.
I don’t find myself in situations like what happened with Juliette anymore. That’s because I figured out three necessary ingredients that every conversation with every girl in every situation has to have.
These are the three things that made it so easy for that guy at the lunch spot to score with Juliette.
Here they are:
You need to be curious about her beyond her looks. This is not about interviewing her, it’s about finding answers to questions like this:
How does she react when I flirt with her?
How would she react to the idea of me and her getting physical together?
What things does she find funny?
What things are important to her?
What turns her on?
You could go on and on with these questions. Actually, the exact questions you want to find out about her are not important. What is important is having a curious mindset and then embracing it. If you approach the conversation with a sense of real curiosity about her, you will never be at a loss for things to say or things to ask her. Moreover, the things you ask her will be fun and flirty and, most of all, honest.
Impudence means being bold or being slightly cheeky or irreverent. Now, you do want to be impudent, but only slightly. This is easy to overdo, so you have to be careful. But if you do it right, she will be having fun, she will see you as different from other guys, and she will flirt with you.
Impudence breaks her out of the state of mind she gets in when she talks to guys because it surprises her.
Here’s an example: I was chatting with a girl one time at a bar, and she was wearing glasses (she was still totally hot, though). I asked her if she took her glasses off or kept them on during sex. “Of course, you need to see what you are doing, but they might get knocked off or broken if you get to…enthusiastic. So what do you do? I’m dying to know.”
See what I mean, irreverent and a bit surprising, but also kind of humorous and nonthreatening.
Another way to be cheeky is to make an obvious lie or overstatement when she asks you a question. Then, after you make it, you can pause and go back and offer her a real answer.
In a minute I’m going to show you how to avoid getting impudence wrong (because you can get it oh-so-wrong and completely ruin your chances with her).
Fun is the currency of conversations. If someone is having fun, they are naturally going to be open to you and open to what you are doing and saying. More importantly, if she is having fun, she won’t be thinking logically, she will be thinking emotionally. She won’t be thinking “is this guy good for me?” or “what are his faults?” She’ll be thinking “this feels fun, this feels good, I need to just go with it.”
There are a number of ways to bring fun into the conversation. One of the easiest is to make fun of yourself. Admit you like cheesy pop music or say you’ve seen every episode of the Smurfs three times. This keeps the mood light AND it also breaks her out of the expectations that she has for guys in general: that they will try to brag and impress her.
Making these humorous admissions should not be embarrassing…they will actually make you more attractive in her eyes.
Another thing I like to do is give her a fake palm reading. It’s raises the level of fun, it gives you lots of opportunities for more playful humor, AND it gives you a chance for some flirty hand-to-hand contact.
So now you understand that these three ingredients can really improve your conversation game and keep you from ever feeling out of your depth. What you need to learn now is how to put these three things to work for you in a real situation.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.