How to Appear Wanted By Other Women (The Power of Pre-Selection)
In this video Bobby and Rob teach the powerful concept of “pre-selection” and why it is important for girls to think that other girls want you. How to give off the “I get laid” vibe.
They also teach some easy ways to eliminate “needy” behavior so that you don’t come across as too try hard around girls you’re interested in.
Learning the power of pre-selection will help you get girls more attracted to you.
Bobby: Hey guys, I’m Bobby Rio. I’m back with Rob Judge, and we’ve got another video for you today. In today’s video, we want to talk about something that is called “preselection.” You may or may not have heard of it, but it’s the basic idea that girls are attracted to guys who they think other girls are attracted to. You’ve probably experienced this yourself at some point, when you’ve had a girlfriend and all of a sudden you notice the minute you get a girlfriend, it seems like every girl is subtly flirting with you. You’ll notice her friends are hitting on you, and when you’re out at a bar you’ll notice other girls checking you out, and it’s like “Where did they all come from? Like 2 months ago I couldn’t friggin …” When you’re in a slump, it’s like they’re nowhere to be found, but the minute you have a girlfriend, you pick up this.
It’s because girls notoriously judge your attractiveness by the way they think other girls view you. For instance, if they think other girls are fighting for you, you become 10 times more attractive to them. As guys we don’t really understand this, because as guys, we look at a hot girl and we’re like, “Oh, she’s hot.” If she’s dating an ugly guy, we assume the guy has good game. That’s just how it is, if a guy who’s not so physically attractive is with a hot girl, we just assume he has good game. Girls are the same way, they assume, “Oh, he must have good game.” The good news is, that girls are notoriously bad at realizing this. When they meet you, they don’t know if you’ve got game, you get a lot of girls, or you don’t get a lot of girls.
The bad news is, that a lot of guys give off the signs that they don’t get girls, that they are hungry, and they aren’t one of those guys that are, quote unquote, preselected.
Rob: A great place to look for this, if you look at even just social media, the guy that’s waiting for that girl to put up a status update, or a picture, and he’s the first one to comment or he’s on there commenting liking stuff on Instagram, he’s tweeting to her, it’s pretty obvious, the guy thinks, “Oh, I’m communicating with her, I’m staying on her radar, I’m showing her that I appreciate what she’s putting out there.” What those guys are really communicating is, “I have nothing better to do than sit in front of my computer and wait until I can establish some form of contact with you, and I’m going to jump all over that.”
Another great example is guys who text girls too much, send long texts, text back and forth too much. If she feels like, “Wow, this guy is just sitting around waiting for me to text him,” or, “As soon as I show him any sort of attention, or interest, or anything, he’s just jumping all over it,” it really communicates that you probably don’t have many other women in your life. You’re not in demand, that she’s the only thing you have going on right now.
Bobby: A big mistake guys make, and Rob and I get this all the time. We get questions from guys who go, “This girl was really into me and we hit it off, we had these couple great dates, and then all of a sudden, she got cold and disappeared and lost interest.” The reason this happens is because, like we said, girls are into guys they believe other girls are into, right? They test you. Whether they realize they’re doing it or not, they are testing you. What happens is, a girl will make herself completely available to you. She’ll be wanting to hang out, and you’ll be like, “Holy shit, this girl’s like, she must really like me. She wants to hang out with me 4 nights in a row. She wants to hang out with me, why would I not hang out with her?”
By hanging out with her 4 nights in a row, you’re showing her … She’s thinking, “Wow, he jumped on this a little too fast.” It could be a subconscious thought, it’s like a little thing in her gut that goes, “I won him over too fast.” A guy who gets a lot of girls, he’s not won over that fast. If you have a friend, or you’re the type of guy who gets laid a lot, right? You‘re not won over fast, you’re not willing to commit to a girl too soon. The 2 of us now after we learned this stuff, years ago a girl even paid me attention and she was cute, I was ready to be her boyfriend. Now it literally takes me months of dating a girl before I’ll be like, “OK, now I’ll stop seeing other girls” to date her, because I have choice.
Girls realize that when you’re willing to throw your hand in too soon and be like, “Ah, I’ll be your boyfriend,” you don’t have choice. What’s interesting is, as I said earlier, when you get a girlfriend, you think, “Oh all these girls are coming out of the woodworks” for you. A few years back, I had something really interesting happen. I talked to a girl that I wound up dating, and I had known her, I’d seen her around parties probably months earlier when I was dating somebody else. The girl I was dating wasn’t around at the time, she was a long-distance relationship, so a lot of the times this girl saw me, I wasn’t with my girlfriend. She had no way of knowing that I was dating anybody.
She goes to me, “I was always to attracted to you because whenever you were out, when I see you at this party, all the other guys had this ‘I’m trying to hookup’ vibe, and you had the ‘I’m just here with my friends having a good time’ vibe.” She goes, “Then I found out you had a girlfriend, and it made sense,” but what struck me there was that it’s giving off the “I get laid” vibe. You can do it without having that hot girl there. There’s things that you can do to give off that “I get laid” vibe. We were just talking before this video about the guys checking their cell phones, and …
Rob: Yeah, that’s huge. A quick tip I give every guy when he’s texting that girl that he really likes and he doesn’t want to come off needy, it’s a very simple tip: When you text her, turn your phone to silent, put it in your back pocket, and make a promise to yourself that you’re not going to check your phone for an hour, or 2 hours. Give yourself some time limit. The thing is, a lot of guys are like, “Well she doesn’t know I’m checking the phone every 3 seconds for her text,” and whatever. Yeah, she might not know it, but it’s the vibe that you’re giving off. It’s a subtle thing. Again, it’s almost like women have a radar for this, because think about it, if you have a friend or if you’ve seen a guy who’s really good with women, or even imagine a guy like James Bond, or the Dos Equis guy. The stereotypical attractive guys.
Could you see the Dos Equis guy continuously checking his phone like, “Did she text me back? Oh maybe check my …” You know what always the classic one is? The phantom vibration in the pocket where you’re walking, and you feel like the phone might have vibrated, so you pull it out and you check. Don’t be that guy. Put it on silent. The other thing that happens too, and this is a more interesting psychological aspect of all this, is that when you’re constantly checking your phone, and you’re constantly thinking about her, and you’re constantly reinforcing how much you like her, you’re putting yourself into something that Bobby and I call “emotional quicksand.” What this is, is this is where the needy behavior comes from. This is where that hungriness really comes from. The hunger of wanting this girl so bad comes from the fact that you’re constantly in this emotional quicksand where you’re putting yourself back into that position where you’re depending on her for her approval, for her affection, for her interest.
It might be really hard for you to silence that phone and put it in your pocket and not check it, but just doing that one thing will really help a lot to keep you out of that emotional quicksand, and to help you give off that “I get laid” vibe.
Bobby: It’s not only to the girl, they do pick up on it. Girls know when you’re sitting by your phone. They can just sense it. Forget about her for a second. If you’re out at a bar or you’re at a party, and you’re pulling your phone out and you’re checking it, every girl who’s checking you out sees you do that. She sees you looking your phone, put it away, she sees that you’ve got that “I’m waiting for something to come and make my day better” vibe, as opposed to the, “Hey, I’m out drinking beers with my friends, conversing, flirting with girl” vibe, which makes you look a lot more attractive. Now, there’s several ways you can become that preselected type, the give off the “I get laid” vibe. There’s the sneaky things you can do. Me and my friends, we used to create fake Facebook or Myspace profiles …
Rob: Genius. I love it.
Bobby: We would leave on a Friday night or Saturday morning, we would leave a comment from a girl going, “Great time last night, we’ve got to hang out again soon.” Then it would get the girls that we were really going for, the girls in our social circle, the girls we worked with or had class with, they would see all these girls, and like I said, this is not something I’m necessarily recommending, but it was really friggin effective. There’s things like that that you can do, and then there’s also the internal stuff that you can do.
More importantly though, it’s more a game of what you don’t do. A lot of people think it’s like, “Well to get a girl chasing you, to get a girl wanting you, you have to do all these things,” but it’s really a matter of elimination. It’s a matter of eliminating certain things. For instance, if a girl shows a whole bunch of interest in you, just taking a step back makes her chase you, right? There’s something that we call “the cat and the string theory.” I put a video together for you below that teaches you this idea that women are like a cat chasing a piece of string. When you dangle that string in front of her and you don’t let her have it, she’s going to keep chasing it. The minute she gets it, she gets bored and she goes, “That was really easy to catch, he must not get laid. I must be a prize for him.” Women never want to be the prize, they want you to be the prize.
We put this video together below, where we’re going to talk not only about the cat and the string, but we’re also going to talk about how to position yourself as the prize. How do you take her off the pedestal and put yourself up there so she’s the one chasing you? There’s 4 things that you do. We call it “The Four Horsemen in the Chase,” and we put the video together below, check it out. We’re going to teach you something called “The Scrambler,” we’re going to teach you “The Four Horsemen in the Chase,” and we’re also going to teach you “The Cat and the String Theory.”
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.