1. Tattoos – No, there are no exceptions. Tattoos are one of those things that look hot on a small minority of drop-dead gorgeous movie stars like Angelina Jolie, but in real life, less than 1% of women can actually pull it off in any form. (Variations include girls that have watched way too many Evanescence music videos, girls that had an ex-boyfriend die in a surfing accident and have branded his name onto their wrist, hipster bitches, white trash skanks, wannabe porn stars, etc.)
2. Daddy Issues – This rears its head in all sorts of ways, so proceed with caution. Unfortunately, this is often a sad result of modern-day divorce statistics. (Variations include super clingy and/or insecure girls who tend to think every disagreement leads to someone being abandoned in a dumpster, girls that are desperate for attention from any and every male figure, girls who turn into femi-bitches a.k.a. femi-nazis at any sign of conflict, etc.)
3. Make-up Extremities – This should go without saying, but the amount of males who ignore this one is absolutely astounding. More to the point, be wary of any girl who has obviously spent hours putting on “her face” before she went outside, or otherwise seems to have a quarter-inch of foundation on her face. At the same time, be wary of girls who are staunchly opposed to wearing make-up, or shaving, or other such politically-driven clichés.
4. Too Many Guy Friends – To be honest, this one is related sometimes to #2, but sometimes not. This should be an automatic HUGE red flag. Avoid any girl with an uncanny amount of “guy friends” whether it be online social networks, in real life, or whatever. She’s either a total whore, has major daddy issues, has a general lack of social etiquette and/or discretion, or doesn’t seem to impress other females as being a worthwhile person.
5. Obsessed with Online Social Networks – This isn’t going away any time soon, so its worth including. Watch out for women that seem overly obsessed with websites like Facebook, MySpace, Match.com, dating websites, etc. They are either super bored, super narcissistic, super insecure, super bitchy, super desperate, or total whores. Whichever it is, stay the hell away.
6. Extremely “Anti-Trendy” – This speaks to the general direction that mankind as a whole has been headed for the last few decades, but it deserves a mention anyway. Unless you want a girl with a ton of baggage or who will end up annoying the shit out of you later on in life, then avoid the ladies who are out to “prove a point” every chance they get. (Variations include girls who refuse to drink Starbucks coffee because its too corporate, girls who seem to have 250 indie bands memorized when you ask them what music they like, girls who think marriage is “totally unnecessary… you know!?”, and all that disgusting jazz.
7. Overly Forward – Again, this should be obvious to most men, but alas, most fellas do their thinking with the wrong head. The fact that a girl *confidently* walks up to you and starts jabbering like crazy doesn’t necessary mean that she’s slutty (more likely, she’s just a total wackjob), but let’s be honest, there aren’t too many dudes out there who warrant such easy attention from las chicas, except maybe Jack Bauer. Unless she shows at least a little bit of reserve, or at the very minimum, a bit of playfulness, then for the love of Christ, give it a second thought before you dive in.
8. Hangs Out Quite Often At Bars, Clubs, Etc – Slutty, crazy, or depressed… with likely daddy issues. Take your pick. As a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t really be picking out a wife at a bar. If you’re into one night stands, then go for it, but at least choose a girl who showed up with some of her other girl-friends.
9. Extremely Clueless – Doesn’t know who the Vice President is? Red flag. Doesn’t know about that massive earthquake that happened in Haiti last week? Red flag. Doesn’t care to educate herself after her stupidity is pointed out? Red flag. Thinks it’s attractive to be stupid or pretend that she’s stupid? Red flag. Are you getting the point yet?…
10. Easily Offended, Extremely Poubty, Etc – In short, avoid girls who can’t take a joke, don’t laugh much, love to act offended about nearly everything as some bizarre attempt at proving they are “enlightened”, or who actually do get offended or hurt by random bullshit all the time. Also, avoid girls who seem to have a different reaction each time to the same stimuli (“Wanna grab dinner?” … “Don’t talk to me!”), or who seem addicted to poubting, or who generally don’t seem to have a handle on their emotional reactions. Yah, that sure helps to narrow it down, huh?
Honorable mention: Overly Athletic – Desires nothing more than to constantly attempt to show you up mountain climbing or weight-lifting? Run, run, as fast as you can, away from this type of female. She probably had some bitter encounter with a cop one day and is now a questionable lesbian.
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