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How To Be The Other Man

It began with a flirtation. You have friends in common. You hangout and recreate in the same social spaces. When you saw her, you seized the opportunity to chat her up and make her laugh. You knew you wanted her, and you could sense that she felt the same way about you.

You slowly eased your way into her life and, eventually, into her panties. That first night of sex was wonderful, beautiful?a dazzling, high-energy display of endurance and athletic intrepidity. It demonstrated your compatibility as lovers; but that, as she explained afterwards, is all she is willing to give. She has a man and she won?t give him up.

What you experienced was more than a mere hook-up. Having had some experience with women and dating, you know that the girl in question is more than a notch on your belt. It may not be love that you?re feeling, but something akin to it. You are drawn to her. You feel an attraction that is irrevocable, irresistible, overpowering. You are willing to be the other man. You are willing to sleep with her without any public acknowledgment of your relationship.

Being the secret lover of a married or partnered woman can bring with it plenty of adventure and romance. The last minute rendezvous, the sense of intrigue and danger, the anticipation of seeing her after long periods of time?these can add a certain luster to your life.

I was for six months the secret lover of a tall, thin, busty, black-haired married woman?a bona fide MILF: a woman that the liaison drove mad with passion. Every time my lover came to see me in my Newport, RI apartment or met me in some high-end hotel in Boston, she fucked me as though it was her last act on earth. Her enormous sexual appetite and sensuality made me giddy: sex in the car parking lot, blow jobs in restaurant bathrooms, a fantasy fuck in her favorite dress (with her kids in an adjoining hotel room). These are but a few of the things we did together.

But such relationships must be managed with care and discretion. Indeed, the latter quality is the first rule of being the other man. She is risking a lot by seeing you. Having sex with you fulfills some great hole in her emotional or sexual life, but she is not willing to lose everything?home, family, financial stability?for a fuck. You must allow her total control over where, when, and how you meet. Communications?phone calls, text message, and even social media messages?should be strictly one way: from her to you.

You may fall in love. It happens. If your feelings get to that point, the best way to control them is to first acknowledge them. Although the desire to spend more time with her, to be out with her in public, to treat her like a normal girlfriend will be strong, you must resist doing anything that will add even more complication to her life. You must remember that she is also under a lot of strain to reconcile her feelings for you with what she has at home.

Finally, if you meet someone else you should tell her about it. Though it may seem strange, she will actually appreciate your honesty. There is enough deceit surrounding the two of you already. She will view your truthfulness as a kind of relief?one less lie you have to share.

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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.

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