Is it possible to make a woman fall in love with you?
Sexual chemistry is the basis of love. No matter what pathological sentimentalists like Nicholas Sparks try to tell you, it is necessary to satisfy what’s between her legs before you can get to what’s in her heart. She may laugh, palpitate, and genuflect continually in your presence; she may develop a crush that turns into an infatuation; she may even think she is in love with you before you have sex. But the truth is you can only get the love of a woman after physical consummation of your relationship.
You do not have to be a great lover in the universal sense—that is, you need not possess the knowledge and skill that sends every woman into ecstasy. To make a woman fall in love with you it is only necessary to instinctively grasp and put into action the moves and maneuvers that give her pleasure.
Sex is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for love. Your non-sexual engagement with your girl must be every bit as intense and focused.
Flowers and candy, expensive meals and good wine, gifts, soft words, thoughtfulness—these are all the things that conventional wisdom would have you believe are key to making a woman fall for you. They will not. The woman you want to love you will certainly appreciate such gestures, and will think you are kind and sweet for thinking of them, but being nice will not advance your cause an inch.
It all comes down to basic, primal instinct. People tend to forget that we are animals, with very large brains to be sure, but we are nevertheless driven by evolved instincts meant to keep our species going. Her whole being craves safety and protection. It may seem odd to say this type of thing in the 21st century, a century in which women are free and carefree, a time in which the sisters work, have their own money and possessions, engage in extreme and highly physical sports, run companies and military units, raise children on their own, and all the rest of it.
But regardless of her status as a modern woman, the limbic part of your girl’s brain craves security—the need for a kind of protection that is associated with intimate relationships. In other words, she wants to feel safe and secure in the relationship, in the household or life you could potentially build together.This does not always mean money—although some women need constant material abundance to feel secure. Confidence, strength, assertiveness, fortitude, and a certain level of competence—these are the attributes women respond to and that satisfy their craving for protection and security.
Even if you are just starting out and have little money, you must show that you have charge of your destiny in some way; you must demonstrate that you are clever and strong enough to get through problems, overcome obstacles, move toward your goals, and to keep her safe from harm and material deprivation. Moreover, you must command respect. You cannot gain the love of a woman without gaining her respect, and you cannot gain her respect if you allow yourself to be disrespected.
Do not confuse pity, doting, generosity, or co-dependence with love. The woman who takes you in, supports you financially when she knows you have no prospect of achieving anything in the near or far feature, or takes you in because she is lonely and wants a convenient fuck does not love you; she may feel sorry for you or sexually obsessed with you or may possess a perverse desire to mother you, but she does not love you, and she will drop your ass the moment she finds a suitable substitute.
The last element of making a woman fall in love with you is authenticity. Women know when a guy is faking it. They have a keener sense about these things than we do (this may be another one of those evolved instincts that are more needful in the female of the species). She may play along just to keep you around, but she will never trust or love you. It is best to be yourself. That is a cliché, but too many guys put on an act in the presence of girls they like.
You don’t need to do any of that. If you are rather shy and reserved when first talking to a woman you really like, then be shy and reserved. If you are a bit geeky and bookish, then be geeky and bookish. Don’t try to put on a show, don’t crack jokes or be a mean, rude, asshole as a means of hiding your doubts and insecurities. That will get things off to a bad start, and you will have a hard time getting earning her respect and trust.
And that really completes the triangle: respect, trust, and sexual satisfaction—these are the necessary and sufficient conditions for making a woman fall in love with you.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.