Push & Pull – What to do when you’re in, but she’s out
It’s an interesting position to get yourself into. As men, we seem to be obsessed with picking up women. However, we can often find that it’s actually after we have ‘got the girl’ that we run into some issues.
Boy, it sucks when that happens.
It’s a hard thing to wrap your head around. There are a lot of different reasons why the lady who was previously hot and heavy for you is now checked out, such as:
Whatever the reason when a girl goes cold it really blows.
Many times guys make the mistake of acting exactly the same as if nothing has changed. This only pushes your love interest further away.
It’s even worse if you’ve already had sex. I’ve heard it from tons of guys who try to use the same moves they did the last time they saw the girl, but they get brushed off with excuses or tell me ‘I just got the vibe she wasn’t into it’.
Don’t beat yourself up, it’s probably not your fault
A few things to note in this situation. Her losing interest is not uncommon. In fact, this behaviour is very normal and often not your fault. So don’t beat yourself up over this fact.
That’s why we all know the cliche, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. Look at this as an opportunity for you to get her back on track. If it works, you know you’re learning, and that’s powerful.
Don’t assault her with the apology train
Nothing pushes an already cooling girl into a subzero, nitrogen cooled tank quicker than hitting her with random apologies. Offering up apologies for things you think you did wrong is a clear sign of neediness and desperation and fellas, that’s not a turn on.
If she tells you specifically you did something that offended or hurt her, an apology is in order, but do yourself a favour and don’t try and guess what you did- it never works! It can make you look guilty or confirms you’re not worth her time.
Don’t rush her, these things take time
Here’s another big no-no: don’t rush. If a woman just went cold on you there is usually a reason. You need to give her some time. Don’t drive a wedge further between you and her by acting too fast and pushing her away. Giving her that time and space shows that you aren’t needy, and it gives off the impression you’re a cool, calm, collected guy. Women are attracted to those traits.
It’s easy enough to know what not to do, but what about what you should be doing to get her back into the hot zone? This can be especially hard if you’re already staying over with a girl, have slept with her, or are already past the first few dates. Girls can be confusing, so remember to keep strong and follow this advice.
This is an extreme approach to take, but think back to the stages of when you were picking up the girl, and you negged or pushed back on a girl to make her chase you. You can do the same in this situation.
By freezing out the girl you are taking away any indication that you are interested right now in her sexually, and the idea is to confuse her. Often, this will take some serious balls of steel. You need to go about living your life like this girl doesn’t exist.
It’s really important to make sure that if the girl does get back in touch with you, you don’t make her feel bad for not getting back to you sooner. By guilt-tripping her, you are reversing any progress you have made.
Make it seem like you hardly noticed she wasn’t in touch with you.
No, I’m not talking about her sister or her best friend you met at the bar. In a situation where you want to turn up the heat with a woman who has gone cold on you, the best approach is to not approach her at all.
Post a video on your Facebook of you hitting the beach with your buddies. A snapchat of you and a couple of friends dancing with girls at the bar. Hell, it can even be a simple hobby.
Showing the outside world (and her) that you’re not fazed by her acting cold will not only distract you from her acting the way she is, but it’ll also show her that you aren’t worried by her behaviour.
It’s why often you’ll have better results with women if you’re dating a few at a time. Because you aren’t 100% interested in just the one girl, your attention is spread among them all. This means no needy texts, no overindulging in her, and she should be more into you than the other way around.
Sometimes, you have to face reality. If she’s not returning your texts, not showing you any positive body language like leaning into you when you talk or keeping eye contact, it may be that she’s not that into you. If they are cancelling dates and don’t reschedule, they aren’t interested. It’s worth knowing when to cut your losses.
In this situation, be direct. Ask them ‘do you see this going anywhere?’-better to get an honest answer. Often, we seek the easy way out.Girls are the same and will usually try to let you down gently.
If none of the above techniques have worked, sometimes it’s worth calling it a day. By cutting it short, you might have a much better chance of rekindling that once hot girl who went cold on you.
About Jamie Atkinson Jamie Atkinson is a freelance writer and sales coach who has over 10 years of experience coaching, selling and training in the field. He was born in the UK but now travels all over the world, teaching other aspiring entrepreneurs how to achieve their own success by sharing the benefits of having a lifestyle business. You can find out more from Jamie over at www.letsgetjobless.com