Understanding a Girl’s Hot and Cold Behavior (what it really means)
Today I want to talk about why a woman will act hot and cold toward you, what it means, and how you should handle it.
So what do I mean by hot and cold?
If you’re ever talking to a girl and sometimes she responds right away to your messages, her replies her are long, and she asks you questions or tells you about her day. I consider that behavior ‘hot’.
On the other hand, if she replies with one-word responses, takes forever to get back to you, or doesn’t try to keep the conversation going, I consider that behavior ‘cold’.
This also applies to her in person behavior. Is she being flirty with you? Is she asking you questions? Is she talking about future plans? Is she engaged and focusing her attention on you? That’s her being ‘hot’.
‘Cold’ behavior is when she’s more interested in looking at her phone than talking to you. Or when she seems distracted or bored. It when you sense hesitation in her voice when you mention doing something together in the future.
Cold behavior sucks. Its confusing. Its even worse when things have been going well and then for no good reason she ‘pulls back’ or seems to be putting the brakes on the relationship.
So what is going on?
There are a few things that could be happening:
1. Attraction isn’t black or white.
This means that her attraction towards you fluctuates by the day. Imagine there is a thermostat. And 100 degrees is hot an 30 degrees is cold. If you’re not doing things to actively keep her interested and attracted that thermostat is going to drop.
And it especially drops if she starts to sense that maybe you’re not as cool or interesting as she first thought you were. A lot of times we start showing too much interest in a girl too soon and she pulls back because she’s not at the same level of attraction yet and doesn’t want to commit to something with us before she’s ready.
2. Another guy pops into the picture.
Let’s face it, nowadays women have a ton of options. Every time she pulls her phone out some guy is trying to get in her pants.
So if a more interesting option shows up she might suddenly slow things down with you to make sure she doesn’t tie herself down with the wrong guy.
3. She’s testing you.
This is an unconscious test on her part. But a lot of times if a girl isn’t quite sure about you, she’ll pull her attention and affection back to see how you act.
More importantly what she’s looking for is whether or not SHE misses you or regrets it. If she pulls her attention back and it doesn’t bother her or scare her that she might lose you, she takes this as a sign she might not really be into you.
On the other hand, if she pulls her attention back and then freaks out that you’re going to drop her, she’ll convince herself you might be ‘the one.’
Here’s what’s really important.
How you handle her hot and cold behavior is what is important.
What’s the WORST thing you can do?
The absolute worst thing you can do is start to act needy and keep asking her if everything is alright. “Did I do something wrong”? “Is something bothering you?” “Is this place okay?” “Do you like me?”
Once you do that her cold behavior turn ice cold and you’ll scare her away for good.
Equally bad is to MATCH her cold behavior. A lot of guys think she’s sending shitty messages so I’ll make mine shitty too. Or she’s staring at her phone I’ll stare at my phone too.
But then you’re just adding to the notion that maybe the two of you don’t have chemistry. (and who knows maybe you don’t)
Here’s how you should handle cold behavior.
1. Be non-reactive towards it
This means don’t let it throw you off your game. Don’t suddenly start acting differently or becoming ‘try hard.’ She should not be aware that you even notice it. So definitely don’t ask her ‘is something bother you?’ or any needy questions like that.
2. Increase her attraction toward you
Instead of getting ‘needy’ think “what can I do to re-spark some of the attraction that dwindled?”
Maybe you have to focus on creating a flirty vibe again or building some sexual tension. Or maybe you had too much surface level conversation and now its time to build a stronger connection or show some cool vulnerability.
3. Pull back a bit
Now, don’t go crazy and kill the relationship by going completely cold on her. However, you should put some DOUBT in her mind where she stands with you. If she thinks you’re a 100% sure thing then she knows she can put you on the back burner.
You MUST demonstrate a willingness to walk way.
Now over the years I’ve coached a lot of guys and got a lot of similar questions about women’s behavior and what it means.
And I got really good at figuring out if her interest is real or not, if she’s leading you on, being friendly not flirty, and even whether or not you have a chance in hell with one of your female friends.
And I compiled all the information into a report called 88 Ways to Read a Girl’s Mind.
It decodes 88 different common female behavior so that you know how to respond, how to react, and what your next move should be so that you continue moving the thermostat towards hot.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2017/11/09/push-pull-what-to-do-when-youre-in-but-shes-out/
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.